I’m Writing Crazy Letters!


Wait, can’t I use email?

Dear (Starbucks/Magnolia Bakery/In ‘n’ Out Burger),

I’m writing to beg you to help me, help you, make more money. As a sometimes constant patron of your fine establishment, I’ve spent like a bazillion bucks over the past decade or so. But now, tragedy has struck and I’ve been given a celiac disease diagnosis. Yes, I am very brave. No, you don’t have to keep saying you’re sorry. I’m managing. Thank you for the tissue.

Celiac disease sucks. It basically means that I can no longer enjoy your incredible fat-free coffee cake/vanilla cupcake/cheeseburger. And even though there may be some things in your establishment (except you, Magnolia, you’re kind of dead to me) that I can enjoy, I find myself driving by without stopping while holding back the tears. Because to even step foot in your joint would bring me pain. A pain that cannot be squelched by a grande vanilla latte or well-done french fries.

I don’t know if you realize how super hip going gluten-free is (see: Gwyneth Paltrow, The New York Times, Gluten Is My Bitch), but I can guarantee you some fabulous press from at least one of the aforementioned prestigious publications if you start to offer up delicious gluten-free options.

So, please, please, (favorite establishment) consider going gluten-free. A queue of celiacs, and weirdos who think it’s cool to eat gluten-free will soon flood your open doors.

Your biggest fan (in my former, gluten-gorging life),

April

8 Comments

Filed under Celiac Disease, Gluten Free Restaurants, Uncategorized

8 responses to “I’m Writing Crazy Letters!

  1. You need these people: GF Restaurant Consulting

    https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Gluten-Free-Restaurant-Consulting/167390176658160

    And this GF registry: http://glutenfreeregistry.com/

    And come to Boulder, Colorado, and we can do a tour of the GF options in town!

    p.s. you’re hilarious.

  2. Thanks — on every count — Mel! I’m going to get on that restaurant consulting biz. And, my trip to the Rockies.

  3. Pingback: Gluten-Free Los Angeles: Chain Vs. High-Falutin’ | Gluten Is My Bitch

  4. Sandy

    We eat at In-N-Out, more than I’d like to admit, and we have never had any issues. I get the cheeseburger protein style and my son gets a Flying Dutchmen and fries. Mmmmm….

    • Please do share re: the Flying Dutchmen. What the heck is that?

      I do get the cheeseburger protein style, but I miss that soft bun in the worst way . . . Which sounds kind of dirty.

  5. Pingback: California Pizza Kitchen Goes Gluten-Free, Baby | Gluten Is My Bitch

  6. Pingback: Gluten-Free Hamburger Bun GORGE & Giveaway! | Gluten Is My Bitch

  7. Pingback: Celiacs, Gluten Intolerants & Crazies | Gluten Is My Bitch

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