Okay, maybe you’re not. And if not, I’m sorry I just totally called you names. But as Thanksgiving arrives, ushering in the full-on holiday season I’m realizing that there’s no way I can enjoy this time without completely controlling every single thing about it. Like, everything. You guys, I traveled to a get together with gluten-free crackers in my purse last night. Yet again. It wasn’t the first time and it sure as heck won’t be the last. What if there’s cheese? And I need to eat it?
There are most certainly amazing Hanukkah get togethers in my future. And unlike last year’s super fun chow down at Canter’s, I’m sure I’ll be making lots of gluten-free latkes and brisket up in here and forcing everyone to come to me. Alternately, I’ll show up at your house with plate of hot oiled potatoes with no flour traces. That’s cool, right? And don’t even get me started on Christmas cookies. Just don’t.
If you have a celiac in your life, be gentle this time of year. If she calls you repeatedly begging for details on the menu, please indulge that crazy pants. If she shows up with a gluten-free buche de noel, try a bite. It might taste like cardboard, or hey, it might not totally suck. A super duper holiday present would be to smile when you eat it and remember that it’s possible she’s lost all of her gluten taste buds and doesn’t know that her concoction that took hours to make tastes like ass.
And always remember, your gluten-free friend doesn’t like being this way. But she can’t help it. Not unlike your mother-in-law (oh no I didn’t! a mother-in-law joke!).
Happy Holidays fellow control freaks. May it be a season filled with joy, and minimal poop.