Suckers! The rad thing about macaroons is they are naturally gluten-free. Even the French ones. What is weird about macaroons is they have to be different when Passover rolls around on account of some rules about not using certain things during baking. But I thought it was wheat, and they don’t have wheat, so I’m (as usual) confused about the Jewish tradition behind the macaroon.
I am not, however, confused about how damn good these things are! You guys, I made macaroons. And they’re delicious and basically the easiest thing of all time. Luckily I had some coconut left over so I didn’t even have to go to the store for ingredients. The recipe I used called for sweetened coconut flakes, and mine were not. But these were still pretty dang sweet, what with the condensed milk.
Right about now my daughter’s kindergarten class should be checking them out to see if they’re any good. I, however, have some in my purse and some in my digestive system and I’m telling you — they are.
So get your Passover on and make up a batch of macaroons. Your cholesterol will not thank you at all for it. Continue reading
Passover is coming, ya’ll! And you know what that means: The worst food of any Jewish holiday. Which I’m guessing is also how matzo brei got invented because one Jewish mom was like, “Jesus Christ, enough with the bitter herbs!” Or someone else’s name in vain, maybe.
This is my first foray into gluten-free matzo brei, or any kind of matzo brei. Therefore I’m entirely unclear if matzo brei is something you eat for breakfast, dinner, or a snack. It’s kind of fried crackers, kind of scrambled crunchy eggs, and kind of chilaquiles, Jewish-style. Luckily it’s easy enough to make it gluten-free, what with this option in your grocery store -
Read it left to right, Hebrew style
I asked the nearest chosen person what the heck was up with matzo brei, but my husband claims to have never even eaten it before. I’m starting to wonder if he’s really Jewish or just sold me a bill of goods because he knew all the single ladies in New York City had figured out that Jewish boyfriends were the best. Clearly, I’m on my own here. So I picked a recipe to adapt that had a little bit of sweetness, instead of a straight-up egg-ness, thinking it might be even better. Perhaps it was.
I can see how matzo brei is appealing, especially after all of that fasting. But when Ruth Reichel calls it the “world’s most perfect food,” I beg her to visit Pennsylvania and dine on some scrapple. Or perhaps we just have wildly different ethnic backgrounds.
Here’s how you can get your matzo brei on for Passover! Continue reading
Dirty dishes, I'm done with you.
For those of you who may not search for every single tax write-off in America, you may not be aware that gluten-free food is tax-deductible once you’ve got that handy-dandy celiac disease diagnosis. Even if you didn’t realize this, there’s no way you weren’t aware that your bank account started dwindling the second you started adding quinoa flour to your grocery list. My point being, eating gluten-free has other side effects besides that whole, “Hey! I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore!” thing. 1) You’ll be poor, and 2) You’ll be doing dishes all the goddamn time.
I, for one, am way over the never-ending pile of dishes in my house. I mean, we used to live in a house with no dishwasher and we never had stacks like this. Also, does anyone else have a dishwasher that runs for three hours? What the hell is that about? This dishwasher is supposedly fancy.
What’s so fancy about draining all of the water out of our house for half a day? Dishwasher, you’re a jerk.
If you’re reading this blog, you know that I do cook a lot. But if you’re dealing with eating gluten-free, you know that you have to cook a lot or simply drive through In ‘N’ Out and order The Flying Dutchman every night of the week. Don’t think I’m not contemplating that awesome idea.
The result is, tons of dishes everywhere I turn. Yes, I’m complaining about doing the dishes. What’s next, my whites aren’t so white? Continue reading
Yes, this is the laziest “recipe” I’ve ever posted. What of it? Sometimes you just need to do the fastest thing possible to get sweets into your gullet, and that’s the kind of week it’s been around GIMB. And just in case you were not aware, chocolate pudding ROCKS. Just to prove that I’m not completely giving up and sitting down with a bowl in front of a “Hoarders” marathon, licking off the whisk (not that there’s anything wrong with that), I decided to get creative and make a tiny bit of an effort. Voila! Three gluten-free chocolate pudding recipes all in one post! It is your lucky day.
But first a word about pudding. I’ve heard mixed reviews on the safety of Jell-O puddings. Corn starch is present, and possibly casein. Personally, I’m totally fine with these ingredients. But just in case you are not, there are labeled gluten-free, casein-free chocolate pudding mixes available at Whole Foods. Really, it’s your choice. In the words of a-ha front man, Morten Harket, “It’s no better to be safe than sorry,” because I’m sure he didn’t mean to put that “no” in there, seeing as how he had not even the thinnest grasp of the English language. I mean, the man coined the phrase “shying away” and no one else has used it since. Ever.
Back to pudding! In addition to the classic pie as seen above, I fancied up this pudding a bit and combined some So Delicious Almond milk butter pecan ice cream and created pudding parfaits. YUM.
To continue with the frozen theme, I went classic with the Jell-O pudding pop. Guess who loved them? These guys.
"Ask me about my Ramones shirt."
So now you want to know how to make these, right? Continue reading
Does anyone remember the great baked potato restaurant craze of the 1980s? My mom and I would hit One Potato, Two Potato in Stillwater every chance we got. Because what’s better than a baked potato loaded up with whatever toppings you desire? Not much. It got all of our “dining out” money until the TCBY rolled into town, and then we were onto declaring, “No, it can’t be yogurt. It can’t!” But you know what? It totally was.
I was reminded of those halcyon days of potatoes and froyo last week when my husband and I came home from work completely stymied about what to eat for dinner. This happens about
five times a week once a week, and back in the good old gluten-eating days, that meant one of us would pick up dinner or the phone. No more with the dietary restrictions and the draining of our food budget since I’m shelling out for all of this gluten-free food. When this went down last week, I did something I usually never do: I stopped complaining for a minute and tore my kitchen cabinets apart.
Thanks to my CSA box, and my ample supply of quinoa, we had kind of an amazing gluten-free dinner that (with the exception of that delicious cheese) was also totally healthy! We used low-fat sour cream, if you’re looking at that picture and totally judging us, you judgey mcjudgertons. But if you remove the sour cream and cheese, you’ll have a dairy-free, gluten-free, pile of yum. But me, I don’t truly believe I’ve had a meal unless I’ve eaten cheese.
Just as I’ve been bitching and moaning about the lack of gluten-free pastries available where you can also sit down for breakfast, I stumbled into a gluten-free find of epic proportions. I took my little dude to breakfast at the Larchmont Bungalow yesterday morning and lo and behold — there were so many gluten-free options I bought things I didn’t even want or need! But not just any gluten-free goods, actual delicious ones that do not overwhelm you with the flavor of rice flour. Whoo-hooo!
The Bungalow is selling gluten-free goods from my absolute favorite bakery, The Sensitive Baker. Or whatever it’s called these days. That amazing gluten-free bakery in Culver City which is way too far away from my house. Look at the muffins! Continue reading
I’m a lady who needs her coffee. Sure, I know how to make it at home and often do, by the carafe-full. Sometimes, however, life requires you to head to a coffee shop where a barista will whip up a nice caffeinated beverage for your enjoyment. Ahhhh, frothy 2%.
Of course the problem with these shops, are the pastries. The gluten-laden, deceptively delicious-looking, muffins, scones, donuts, and cakes. Thus far, not one of the 15 coffee houses in my area have gotten the memo about the 1 in 133 of us who might not want to live in their bathroom after ingesting a chocolate chip scone.
This means bringing in your own food, at the risk of being busted or shamed by your douche bag husband. (Note: Not MY husband. He’s got not a shred of douche-baggery and provides useful pockets for this venture. I know, I’m a lucky woman.)
Since it’s your god-given right to enjoy a latte, macchiato, wet cappuccino, or a double espresso whenever, and wherever you want, you’ll be excused for assuming you can do whatever the hell you want in these establishments. Excused by me, maybe not the owner who worked hard perfecting her hazelnut muffin. Which is why you have to sneak your gluten-free goods. Here’s how. Continue reading