My New Most Favorite Gluten-Free Pasta Recipe

For those of you who are in the angry anti-pasta stage of your gluten-free lifestyle (oh, you didn’t know that was a thing? It totally is), I have something that just might lure you back to the world of gf pasta goodness. Or, if you’re happy cursing fusilli, be my guest. Seriously, it feels good to take out your anger on sub par pasta. It really does.

But if you’re ready to give noodles another chance, may I recommend this frankenrecipe I created from a yummy penne number from America’s Test Kitchen, and another particularly compelling post I read about white beans? I may? Why, thank you!

I’ve kind of given up on the hardcore red sauce pastas I used to make. Which is sad, but since I was diagnosed in the middle of an intense “Grandma’s Italian Kitchen” cooking phase of my life, I still associate that huge pot of bubbling Sunday sauce with massive stomach pain. Not unlike my reaction to Bacardi, I just steer clear due to the epic-ly negative association.

But just because you skip the intense red sauce, does not mean you should deny flavor atop your pasta. Adding red pepper flakes is always a win, and getting your white beans and broccoli all crunchy can be incredibly satisfying. Especially to a gluten-free person, who has lost all sense of “crunch” along with her sense of “good beer.”

What I’m trying to say, is this is the best damn pasta recipe outside of Brooklyn. It just happens to be gluten-free. Eat it!

Super Awesome Gluten-Free Wedding

Meet the most adorable couple in the entire world. That’s Tonya, Paul, and Boddington. Boddington wasn’t allowed at the wedding, yet people like me — people with food issues — totally were. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?

So this was basically the most amazing gluten-free wedding of all time, aside from Chelsea Clinton’s. But I wasn’t invited to Chelsea’s, so screw that wedding. I was, however, invited to Paul and Tonya’s beautiful SoCal event by the ocean since Paul — one half of the nicest couple in the universe — works with my husband. Lucky me.

When I was first diagnosed with Celiac disease, I remember specifically being upset about the prospect of going to weddings. Previously, I was a big fan of the wedding, especially the surf and turf and cake. I knew my days of eating sugary white frosting were over, and I knew my tears at weddings would be over my own personal cake loss, rather than the beautiful union taking place.

This is the first wedding I’ve attended since the big C, and being the least important guest at said wedding (work guest’s wife should be pretty low on the totem pole, amiright?), I didn’t expect to even be able to say more than, “Congratulations” to the happy couple, one of whom I had never even met, and then be ushered to the back corner of a dark hall where I’d have to strain to hear the awkward toasts of friends and relatives. Yet, the first thing I saw when I walked into the reception at the beautiful La Venta Inn was this —

Gluten-Free Dessert Emergency: Peanut Butter Pretzel Buckeyes

Thank you Jesus for Pinterest. That’s what I said when I realized the night before my daughter’s kindergarten open house that I was supposed to be bringing a dessert. Sometimes I forget things. Big things. So I opened up my cabinets to see what ingredients might be available for some hasty, probably half-assed dessert makings.

While my cabinets do look like a gluten-free shop that also provides everyone with their own personal bag of sugar in about 30 different varieties, I was having trouble figuring out how to turn all of that magic into something edible in less than an hour. I decided I was thinking too hard and left the kitchen to take solace in the Internets.

Hooray for this recipe that some Pinterest friend of mine decided to highlight because, why yes I do have peanut butter, all of the sugars listed below, chocolate chips, butter, and of course my stash of gluten-free pretzels. Magic happened, people, and I was on my way to the kindergarten extravaganza.

From what I heard these nuggets were a hit. I wouldn’t know, because I have a three-year-old who does not understand the concept, “It’s not always about you,” and I wound up shushing him, chasing him, and ultimately carrying him away from the event and throwing him in the back of my car all the while he screamed about his rights being taken away when we wouldn’t let him spit milk on everyone within a five foot radius.

Kids.

Here’s how you can impress people with your gluten-free dessert skilz when your parenting ones are not quite doing the trick.

Gluten-Free Los Angeles: Short Cake @ The Original Farmer’s Market

Yep, these are gluten-free desserts. In a public place.

So here’s something awesome that happened. A nice lady got in touch with me to let me in on a secret — there was a gluten-free baker hanging out at a new, hip bakery and restaurant at The Farmer’s Market at 3rd & Fairfax. I know what you’re thinking — a gluten-free baker? What the? Here she is:

Isn’t she adorable? Perhaps it’s because she sent me home with lip-smackingly good gluten-free brownies, nougat fun and a sunflower seed, homemade marshmallow, sun butter chocolate treat. Oh, and plied me with a TCHO chocolate custard shake. Needless to say I had a lovely afternoon with Short Cake baker (bakestress?) Hourie Sahakian who showed me in the inner workings of the Short Order restaurant and Short Cake bakery that are totally gluten-free friendly. This is the custard machine.

I realize that means nothing to you unless you’ve enjoyed one of the amazing custard shakes. But this is a $45,000 machine for custard making. Here’s the gluten-free flour –

Of course, there are many, many, gluten-filled delights at Short Cake, as well as the scrumptious (for gluten-eaters) homemade hamburger buns at Short Order so Hourie and I discussed cross-contamination, and also, ummm, isn’t she sick all the damn time? It’s true that Hourie suffers — so we don’t have to –  and has given in a bit to her chosen profession, which I find fascinating as I don’t think I’ve ever been so committed to something in my life. Except maybe cheese.

But, and here’s where this beautiful story turns tragic,

Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free Lemon Fettucine Alfredo + Vacation Giveaway — What?!

It’s true. I totally made something that was healthy’ish. And look at that side of broccoli. Damn, that’s some healthy eating right there. When the So Delicious people asked if I’d like to throw some recipes their way, I said sure! After all, I do have an almond problem and that includes almond milk. So why not start using it wherever I can. Namely, in a creamy, dreamy gluten-free, dairy-free fettucine alfredo.

One thing I’ve been doing for awhile now is using millet flour when I make a rue. For some reason the millet does the trick. I heart millet. And instead of milk, I grabbed that So Delicious almond milk. Yum to the yum-yum. Sure it’s exciting to transform a formerly decadent meal into a g-free, d-free wonder. But you know what’s even more exciting?

Winning a freaking foodie trip to Red Mountain Resort in St. George, Utah. Yep, that’s a free trip. You can vote every day to enter this contest. Every day, you click on this link vote for me, and you’re entered to win a fab vacation.  Oh, and you get a coupon just for voting. Nice.

So how do you make this? Like so.

Gluten-Free Los Angeles: Scott Baio Loves Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza & Grill

Something awesome, yet bizarro is happening in my neighborhood you guys. Or rather, my adjacent neighborhood. Not one, but two restaurants opened this week that serve gluten-free pizza. That’s right, gluten-free pizza within walking (if-we-still-lived-in-Brooklyn-but-we-live-in-LA-so-driving) distance!!! It’s like all of my complaining is finally paying off and now I can enjoy pizza every night of the week without looking like that person that comes into your restaurant every night of the week. Because of trading off, that’s how.

Thank goodness someone made the Sophie’s choice for me as to which pizzeria to try first, as the lovely people of Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza and Grill extended an invitation to me to check out their new digs earlier this week. I obliged. So did Scott Baio, as the hubs and I totally star-sighted that guy chowing down at Sammy’s. (Apparently his wife loves the joint.) But back to the food. The food that Chachi loves more than Joanie.

While the pizza is certainly a super delicious treat (we had the BBQ chicken pizza, because why not?), there are a variety of items on the Sammy’s menu that are gluten-free. And all kinds of cues on the menu about how to order up some gluten-free grub. See —

Gluten-Free Buttermilk Fried Chicken ‘Cuz You Can’t Keep Me Down

I’ve often bemoaned the fact that I never dined at Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles before I was told I could never, ever, ever, eat there under any circumstances. While this is a bummer, I have perfected the gluten-free pancake which is really just a flat waffle without a mod design. And now, I’m onto gluten-free fried chicken!

This is where I pause and pay homage to my grandmother, Faye B, who made the most amazing fried chicken like, every day. She made it look so easy as she turned it around in the pan, that I thought I too could just whip it up out of memory. It turns out, I should have gone with what I knew — the deep fat fryer.

Pan frying chicken is kind of a pain in the ass. Also, there’s so much draining to be done when you’re finished. Still, it’s a small price to pay for crispy skin and luscious insides. But first you’ve got to soak that bird. Like so -

That’s buttermilk, guys. And that’s how you know I’m serious about my fried chicken. The whole point of soaking is to make sure your meat stays moist while you’re frying the hell out of the skin. Sure, you can use regular old milk but if you’re going to be clogging those arteries, why not add some more fat to the mix? Why not, indeed.

While my own granny only used salt and pepper as spices in her flour coating, feel free to step things up a bit by tossing around the old paprika, maybe some chili powder. Or just be totally lazy and do what I did and pick up some pre-seasoned gluten-free flour from Better Batter, or Hodgson Mill and let them do the spices for you. All roads lead to greasy fried gluten-free chicken, and heart disease.

Enjoy!

Gluten-Free Ojai: Farmer’s Market Extravaganza

Happy post-Mother’s Day! I hope it was a good one for all the moms out there and your kids buried you in gluten-free breakfasts in bed, weird drawings, and homemade knickknacks. Or a trip to the spa. Either/Or.

My husband and I left the kids at grandma’s house and took off for a night to enjoy some quality time in the very tiny town of Ojai, known mostly for a super fancy hotel and spa set-up (where we did not stay) and its unbelievable agricultural bounty. I realize that going away for the weekend without my children is perhaps a tad bit counter intuitive for Mother’s Day, but hey. It was an awesome Mother’s Day. Also, I made a few g-free discoveries while perusing the Ojai Farmer’s Market. So there.

Of course shopping at a farmer’s market is a lovely thing for the gluten-hating. There is no dodging of the entire middle part of the store or turning down samples. With the exception of those artisan bread people, you can pretty much eat anything that is being sold at a farmer’s market. In the case of this particular market, there were almond products galore  -

and I discovered a bakery that is experimenting in the gluten-free. And it was awesome.

Red Velvet Cake For Your Gluten-Free Mother

I could have just left this box out and maybe someone in my family would have gotten the hint to make it. But I didn’t. Instead, I decided to see if my favorite gluten-free flour — Cup4Cup could also make a dang good gluten-free cake mix. I honestly could not resist this box staring at me from the Williams-Sonoma shelf. Which is  incidentally, what I also said about the margarita mix. Both worth it.

By the way, after I bought this cake mix some crazy woman hit me with her car. She was driving into oncoming traffic, and I was sitting waiting for a red light. It’s a bit of a shock to be sideswiped, especially when you’re not actually doing anything wrong. Not even trying to Shazam while driving! Do you know how often something bad happens to me when I’m completely not at fault? Never. I’ve always done something to provoke. However, not this time. Here she is:

Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Muffins for an Elephant’s Birthday

This elephant. You see, my daughter convinced me it was her elephant’s birthday yesterday, and Ellie the Elephant needed cake. It’s totally true, see the piece of paper with yesterday’s date on it? That’s proof, terrorist-style. Private school tuition at work, people! Check it.

Not one to deny a birthday treat to a stuffed elephant, I ransacked my cabinets for a gluten-free quickie. The first thing I grabbed was this chocolate chip muffin mix from Authentic Foods. I have exactly zero recall as to when I acquired this package of goodness, but I’m guessing it was one of my rampages through Whole Foods or the gluten-free store. I also found two boxes of gluten-free chocolate cake mix, one box of gluten-free pie crust, and about three boxes of random gluten-free cookies that cannot be okay after sitting in the back of my cabinet for god knows how long. Time for some spring cleaning, gluten-free style.