Channing Tatum + Gluten-Free = Magic Mike

I can’t even make this shit up. Prepare for the Apocalypse, ladies and gentlemen, as another celebrity did the gluten-free thing for fun and profit.

According to ABC News, Mr. Tatum went on a gluten-free diet to get his body in shape for all that stripping in the upcoming Steven Soderbergh movie, Magic Mike. Here’s a preview of this piece of genius in case you aren’t aware.

Gluten-Free IKEA Swedish Food Market

So my friend Tami and I go out for a night on the town to Chevy’s Fresh Mex and IKEA. Because we’re classy, that’s why. Tami was filling me in on the gluten-freeness of Chevy’s and I was all, “That sounds amazing!” As soon as I put the directions to the Burbank eatery into my GPS I thought, “Wait a minute. I’ve been here before.” Sure enough.

Chevy’s did not disappoint, yet again, and this time I actually did enjoy some tequila. Which totally explains our epic run through IKEA across the street, which was closing in five minutes when we walked in the door. Not only did we lap the entire store (and I even took note of a lovely new kitchen cabinet I liked), we hit up the Swedish food market and I immediately began hunting for the gluten-free. This is what I came home with:

Gluten-Free With Friends: Hugo’s West Hollywood

It’s so nice to see friends from the east coast. It reminds me of how pale and jumpy I used to be. Okay, still am. While they usually tend to head west during those hellacious winter months, my friend Matt* was just here for work’ish today! Hooray! So I got to enjoy a lovely gluten-free breakfast with him and try to convince him to move to LA. That’s what all of us east coast transplants do, by the way. Try to convince everyone else to populate Los Angeles. And now you know why so many people in LA have crazy New York accents.

So I picked a spot somewhere between his lovely vacation work spot in Santa Monica, and my lovely home spot in the hills, and settled on Hugo’s in West Hollywood. True, it was closer to my house, but I’m not sure how to get to Santa Monica. Just ask Matt, who was the beneficiary of horrible directions back to the beach.

I’ve been hearing great things about Hugo’s ever since I had to give up the devil gluten, but I was really not prepared for what awaited this gluten-free gal (and friend who couldn’t care less). Even with the cross-contamination disclaimer, I have never been so excited to see a menu in my life. Just about everything can be made gluten-free, even these –

The Fanciest, Most Gluten-Free Taco Bell Dinner EVER

So I got a super interesting invitation this week. The good people of Taco Bell invited me to an undisclosed location to partake in their new Cantina Bell menu created by celebrity chef, Lorena Garcia. Having put Taco Bell on my no-way-in-hell list, I politely emailed back to say, “I don’t know if you know this, but gluten is totally my bitch. Thanks, but no thanks.” It turns out that was precisely why I was all up in that invite.

Apparently, I can eat at Taco Bell again. Or at least, starting July 5th, I can eat at Taco Bell again. My six-year-old could not be happier.

Rad Gluten-Free Baseball Stadiums of America

Can I Get a Gluten-Free Num-Num?

Happy first day of summer, party people! Get out your ice chests, your swim trunks, and your beer bongs because it. Is. On. Of course summer also means baseball, especially if you’re in the neighborhood of a pro team. Or married to someone who loves that stuff. Me? Sports aren’t really my thing, but I have endured professional hockey, basketball, and baseball games by distracting myself from the boring with super fun concession stand runs.

It’s true. I get excited about concession stands. It’s also sad. Especially sad once I was diagnosed with Celiac, as the hot dog and beer fest came to a halt. But there is some good news for Celiacs who also enjoy sitting in the stands. Some baseball teams court those gluten-free types and bust out the gf beer, the gf buns, and even have special Celiac days. I know! What the hell is going on in this world? Amazingness, that’s what.

Here’s where to find it:

Gluten-Free Mother-In-Law Quiche With a Twist

After all, everyone has one. A quiche, recipe that is. It’s like you shouldn’t be allowed to have brunch if you don’t have your own quiche recipe in your back pocket. Even my six-year-old knows how to make a broccoli quiche, although for some reason hers has tons of gluten in it. On the gluten-free front, however, my mother-in-law has a new hot quiche number.

My MIL has been experimenting in gluten-free ever since I got the sad news about cake. Which is nice, when you feel like you’re the only one who is cooking without gluten in your family, and they just don’t understand, and they’re going to feel bad when you run away. Or something.

So my mother-in-law brought over this gluten-free quiche, that instead of going straight-up crustless, had a twist: Hash brown crust! So it’s like a breakfast buffet in your mouth. That sounds awesome, right?

Like any quiche recipe, you can add what you like. I chose to ham and cheese it up, because that’s how I roll. Please feel free to go veggie with the leeks, asparagus, really, whatever floats your gluten-free boat.

Here’s how you can get your own mother-in-law quiche.

Gluten Is My Bitch: The Book, The Movie, The Mini-Series

Two of those things are totally not true. But one is. I’m writing a book, ya’ll! Excuse me, I get excited and my Okie comes out. Gluten Is My Bitch, the book, will hit shelves in May of 2013 published by Abrams. Which I’m STOKED about. Thanks to my lovely agent at Stonesong, and my adorable friend at Cooking With My Kid who made the intro. Let’s give a shout-out to Alison and Rebecca. Can I get a wha-what?

So I’m going to be busy writing and maybe cursing. Okay, totally cursing.

This also means that I’m madly developing recipes that will be book exclusives, so you won’t be seeing them here. I’m totally sorry, as I’ve tapped my family cookbook which is filled with Southern and Cajun delights. Yep, lots of yumness that would give Paula Deen diabetes all over again. So you can look forward to that when you buy the book next May. Which you’re absolutely going to do, right?

But it’s not all food to kill. I’ll also explore being gluten-free and vegan, for you healthy types (but only a little, I do have a reputation to maintain), and of course gluten-free kid food. ‘Cuz having a gluten-free kid is a major drag. My kid won’t eat french fries and that bums me out. You folks watching your kid’s gluten intake are heroes. I’ll give you a hand! And of course there will be the complaining. So get ready.

In the meantime, let’s play “guess the gluten-free food” with this randomness:

What a Real Gluten-Free Emergency Looks Like

So we had a thing last night. A thing that looked like oceans of water flooding down the street as we turned the corner, to go up the hill, and home. Turns out that water was coming straight from our house! Needless to say I met some neighbors that I’d never had the pleasure to speak to before, and our water bill will surely take all of my latte money for the next five years. This, my friends, is one of those emergency moments.

Even though I think I’m so totally cool pulling together a gluten-free emergency go bag, this time I forgot one big thing. In an actual emergency, you don’t have time to bake muffins. And apparently when I’m faced with an emergency, I panic. I packed clothes, tooth brushes, my make-up (gotta’ look good in the event of a crisis!), bottles of water, and M&Ms. I looked into my cabinets and thought, “Hmmm, I’m guessing the Holiday Inn doesn’t have much in the way of gluten-fr– oh, forget it.” Then I packed up my family late at night and headed down the street to beg the nice people to let us have a deal since it was almost tomorrow anyway, and no one else was going to show up and take that room.

Here’s what they had in the way of snacks in the room:

So This is Why Gluten-Free Makes You Fat

Hint: It’s My Fault

Aside from celebrities, most people who have to go on the gluten-free diet actually gain weight. I say most people, because if you’re one of those who give up gluten and also give up gluten substitutes (see: Cyrus, Miley), you’re probably going to drop a few pounds. That, my friends, is called the Atkins Diet. But if you’re like me, and the only thing you can think about when told you can no longer eat delicious gluten is “I need CAKE,” then you’re probably going to reach for another grain to create that cake. And if you want a delicious substitute, you’re probably looking at rice and corn flours and starches galore.

As with all things in life, delicious = bad for you. But who are we kidding? Wheat flour is super bad for you if you’re Celiac or intolerant, and rice flour is better. But in the weight gain, calorie-counting world, it’s actually worse. I try to avoid that world, but it has an annoying way of sneaking up and biting you in your jiggly ass. The Sneaky Chef lady laid it all out for us with her slide show so you can see how your gluten-free hamburger bun, pasta, and even English muffin are packing way more calories and fat than the wheat versions. Warning: This slide show may make you cry.

Getting Gluten’d In Seattle Isn’t Easy

Well, hello there sunshine! I’ve missed you. Not that there wasn’t something amazingly romantically depressing about living, walking, and eating, all in the greyness of Seattle where the grunge movement began. There was. Also amazing? If you actually talked to people about your food sitch, they listened and took very good care of you in the Emerald City. Which means it was actually quite difficult to eat gluten if I didn’t want it. Yet, I did it. Of course I did. But first, let me wow you with tales of dining out that will make you want to book your next trip to Seattle, pronto.

The first event I went to was sponsored by Whole Foods, where we learned the sad plight of the honey bee. You guys, it’s scary. And awful, and we should all be constructing hives in our backyards if we want to keep eating food. I might be getting that wrong, so look here to learn more. And look here to see the very first thing I ate after arriving in Seattle.