Monthly Archives: October 2012

Gluten-Free Halloween Treats for the Supremely Untalented

Like me! These are some cute wonky looking edible Frankenstein treats, are they not? I found them months ago on Pinterest, as I’m wont to do, and busted it out for our Halloween celebration. I just assumed I could directly mimic this super cute pic on the P-t but it turns out I can’t even make two eyes even. Ahhh, well. I’ve never claimed to be crafty and that’s okay because my mother tells me I have other talents.

Even for those of us with limited skilz, it’s super easy to make these cups o’ fun. You can even employ the kids for this project, and at this point I’d like to say my 3- and 6-year-old are totally responsible for the lack of perfection in these Frankenpuddings. In fact I have photographic evidence to back me up.

But, you know, I did some too. I’ll let you figure out which is which.

Make your own puddin’ for Halloweeeeeeen! Continue reading

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Gluten-Free Classic Pumpkin Pie When You Have GF Crustphobia

Listen up party people, it’s pumpkin time if you haven’t noticed by every muffin mix, coffee drink, and local “patch” popping up in front of your fall-loving face. It’s so pumpkin-arrific that my 3-year-old saw a picture of a pumpkin pie and said, “Can I have that?” This is a kid who won’t touch a vegetable or fruit so I decided feeding him pumpkin in the form of pie was a freaking great idea. Whatever it takes, dude.

While I love the cheesecake variety of pumpkin pie, and love even more a pie with a sweet potato and bourbon twist, I decided to go classic with this pie. Also, I decided to go lazy because g-dammit, I am still not willing to make a homemade gluten-free pie crust. I’m just not. If you want to learn how to roll out a super sticky gluten-free crust and make little dough designs, you’re going to have to go elsewhere. Not unlike snakes, making a gluten-free pie crust is something I have a completely irrational fear of getting involved with, and I’m just not gonna’ do it. Graham cracker? You bet. Anything other than a dough you have to roll out? ON IT. But I’m rejecting this notion of traditional crust that must be made by my own hands. The ones from Whole Foods work like a charm. Go shopping.

One totally Brooklyn thing I did do, however, was buy a lil’ sweet pumpkin and roast it up and puree that baby instead of using canned puree. Although as my sister-in-law pointed out, roasting a pumpkin and giving it the old puree doesn’t taste any different than buying pumpkin puree in a can. But if I’m not making the pie crust, I feel like I must do something else artisnal-y.

This recipe needs a 15 ounce can, so you can either do that or roast a small pie pumpkin and use the innards (seeds and strings removed). Using fresh nutmeg will really make the flavor more complex, and I highly recommend it.

Get it.

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Gluten-Free Los Angeles: Fritzi Dog at The Original Farmer’s Market

I can’t even look at this picture without then having to fight the incredible urge to get into my car and drive my tater tot loving ass right on down to Fritzi Dog at The Farmer’s Market. Then I would go next door to The Grove and buy some new fat pants. Because that’s some bacon lardons on that all-beef, vegetarian fed, antibiotic-free, prime cut, Deli dog, people! Oh, and the bun? It’s gluten-free.

I am one lucky lady in that my good friend is one of the owners of this brand new hot dog stand alongside über chef, Neal Fraser. While I don’t know if my gluten-free puppy dog eyes played any part in the decision to keep the rice bran oil all nice and clean to cook up tater tots and fries, I have to think that my whining helped usher in the gluten-free bun. Thank you, Fritzi Dog. I can now get my gluten-free eat on in a patriotic way, where the “special gluten-free knife” and designated paper keeps the poison away from my innards. God bless America!

I’ve actually eaten at Fritzi twice in the last week and am headed back there tomorrow night. I know. I have a problem. But did you see those chili cheese tater tots?  Also up for grabs? Tots with Buffalo sauce and crumbled blue cheese. I mean, really.

If you happen to be someone who can chow down on the gluten, get a load of this bird dog (turkey and duck — seriously!) with the pretzel bun. Continue reading

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Jennifer Esposito, the Celiac Mafia Has Got Your Back

I just started a mafia! Who wants to join? I’m not sure if I’ll be getting into drugs or just stick with guns, but regardless it’s totally going to be gluten-free. First target: Those jerks who are making fellow celiac, Jennifer Esposito, lose her shit.

I’m not 100% clear on what the issue is, but it sounds like Esposito is in need of some consideration for her medical condition on the set of “Blue Bloods” on CBS. I also don’t know given the language and “official” statements if Esposito was forced out, or if she left on her own. Regardless, she’s saying it is the former and here’s her tweet on all of this noise: Continue reading

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Be a Rad Gluten-Free Party Guest, Why Don’t Ya’?

When I go to a party I try to bring amazoids gluten-free snacks and leave my piss poor attitude at home. After all, I’m a fun gal. Are you heading out to a shingdig this weekend? A par-tay? A good time? I certainly hope you are, but even if you aren’t, you will require snacks in the next few days, right?

Just last weekend I was invited to a birthday party that involved a Family Feud tournament and cleverly named cocktails (Regis Phil-Gin & Tonic, anyone?) and I came armed with food to soak up the gluten-free booze I was about to consume. But the goal is not only to have porous snacks in your gut, but to also impress others with gluten-free deliciousness. Which is why I busted out my gluten-free peanut butter pretzel buckeyes and my all-time favorite lemon ricotta basil cheese dip with the best damn gluten-free bagel chips you’ll ever eat. In fact, I’ll even go out on a limb and declare gluten-free bagel chips better than those gluten-filled types.

That’s right, I said it.

Here’s what you should shovel onto those bchips. Continue reading

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Gluten-Free Lunch: Lentil & Smoked Salmon Salad

Say you feel like having a healthy lunch instead of nachos. It happens. Now say you’d like to relive your Paris vacation through food. Sure the possibilities of these two situations occurring at the same time are only likely if you’re me, but stay with me here.

After enjoying the crap out of a gluten-free smoked salmon and lentil salad at the Musee d’Orsay on the banks of the Seine (why yes, I am showing off), I realized I could make this bad boy at home. And now I’ve got a super delicious salad hanging around my house just waiting to transport me back to that moment when I was footloose and fancy free in Paris. If only it were so easy to get a cheap flight and a babysitter for a week. Still, food!

Here’s how you can pretend to be enjoying lunch after a morning of Monets.  Continue reading

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Gluten-Free Chocolate Peanut Butter Balls Without Salmonella

I’m confused about coconut. On the one hand, I hear that eating coconut could you give you heart disease, on the other hand I hear it’s a paleo dream that will allow you to live until 110 while doing push-ups on the beach. It’s possible I heard both of these scenarios wrong.

Regardless, it seemed like a good idea to try out a version of this better-for-you copycat recipe of Reese’s Easter Eggs, except I just made Reese’s-like balls because it’s not Easter. Also, I could put this guy to work.

Kind of a weird hybrid of good for you and totally bad for you, these chocolate peanut butter balls are 100% delicious. I want to eat all six of them in one sitting. Oh right, that’s the only problem: It only makes six. You can double or triple the recipe because your roommates, family, or whomever you shack up with will also want these and you’re not going to be able to share.

You may be scared of peanut butter right now, and I swear there’s enough salmonella in nut butters to last us through the new year. Check this list, then go out and buy you some non-poisonous peanut butter to make these fantastic balls. I mean, fantastic. Balls.

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Gluten-Free Detox Cleanse That’s Not Totally Horrible

Okay, it’s a little horrible. In case it’s not clear by what I ate on Monday, I could use some healthy dietary changes. But when my husband suggests — and oh, how he suggests — that we maybe try to not eat red meat, or so much dairy, or sugar, or booze, or whatever the weekly healthy option is; I kind of freak out. Because, duh, gluten.

Not believing that those of us who are forced into dietary restrictions should volunteer for any more, I usually agree to do it, then the night before I explain why I absolutely will not subject myself to the torture that is no more In ‘N’ Out. Nobody really wins this battle, least of all my blood sugar counts. But I totally came up with a solution that does not involve me permanently altering my diet!

Perhaps you’ve heard of that Dr. Oz and his amazing detox cleanse diet? No? Well that’s okay because as I said before, if you have to give up gluten no one should ever take anything else away from you. Ever. But if you want to re-set your health button, and only want to commit to two days of it, do this 48-hour detox that involves taking a bath. Which I’m very much for, btw.

The whole idea behind a cleanse — or at least this particular cleanse — is to get rid of the toxins in your body and start over, hopefully making better choices for optimum health. Also some people say this cleanse gives you energy, helps you sleep better, and all sorts of other things. Personally, it gave me a migraine and a growling stomach. Still, I guess it was a good thing?

You might want to go on over to Dr. Oz’s site, because in addition to hating cleanses, I also hate the following ingredients that he recommends:  pineapple, prunes, bananas, and sauerkraut.  Which means I totally changed up the cleanse to suit my own preferences, and also I’ve really got to expand my palate.

But the gist of this cleanse is a quinoa cereal for breakfast, smoothie for lunch, unlimited kale and pineapple juice and/or certain vegetables for a snack, like this -

Finally, you can enjoy a very serious vegetable soup for dinner, alongside sliced apple and sauerkraut.

If you’re normal, and not like me, this means you’ll have a ton of food to eat and drink throughout the day.  A ton of gluten-free food! Although, pretty much any cleanse will be gluten free. Especially those with zero food.

Do it! Or don’t. Really, you do enough already.

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Gluten-Free Umami Burger, For Reallys

So this wonder of the world went into me yesterday. It seems Umami Burger has been listening to the cries of the gluten-free and have now introduced the gluten-free Loco Moco burger at their location in The Grove. I ate that!

I realize I may seem somewhat obsessed with this speciality burger shop, but that’s just because I am. They make some deliciousness up in there, people. Sadly, I’ll still be making the smashed potatoes at home since they’re fried up with other gluten’y things, but dare I say if you’re eating one Loco Moco you really don’t need a side dish. Here’s how it breaks down.

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The Scariest Gluten-Free Cake Pops You’ll Ever See

“Hi, I’m Bob.”

There are people who make gluten-free cake pops, and people who eat them. As an eater, I made a huge mistake when attempting to cross over to the maker crowd. Huge. It was so tedious, and such a mess of my life, I now hate cake pops. And I have five million of them in my house bringing down the value on account of the total ugliness on a stick. You guys, that one pictured is my best one. You want to see the rest?

“Help us!”

I thought this would be an adorable thing to do with my kids. I even bought a special cake pop pan and followed the directions so I would have perfectly round little balls. Well one thing I did do right — balls. Plus, I used the amazing XO Baking Co. gluten-free cake mix and so they were delicious. I even had the frosting at the ready, but apparently in a cake pop box you don’t need to do that added step.

I even bought the perfect colored melting chocolates, like these -

But apparently you can’t spend your way out of massive failure.

All you’re supposed to do is melt chocolate and swirl the pop around until covered. One, I couldn’t get the butt covered to save my life; and two, I tried to turn a cake pop into Bob from Monsters Vs. Aliens, ghosts, pumpkins, and black cats. I should have just stopped with the half-assed swirling.

Also, you may be wondering what the heck this cereal box is doing in the picture above with the screaming gluten-free cake pops. You see, I followed some cake pop directions that were described as “easy” and attempted to make these cake pops stand up and dry on a box. They toppled over and stuck to the cereal box that I had just emptied in a panic, not helping in the attractive arena AT ALL. I’m not even going to show you the black cats with chocolate chip ears and smushed faces.

I am not, nor will I ever be, a cake decorator. But let’s say you want to give it a try. Here are some ways I messed up, so you won’t have to! Continue reading

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