Okay, it’s a little horrible. In case it’s not clear by what I ate on Monday, I could use some healthy dietary changes. But when my husband suggests — and oh, how he suggests — that we maybe try to not eat red meat, or so much dairy, or sugar, or booze, or whatever the weekly healthy option is; I kind of freak out. Because, duh, gluten.
Not believing that those of us who are forced into dietary restrictions should volunteer for any more, I usually agree to do it, then the night before I explain why I absolutely will not subject myself to the torture that is no more In ‘N’ Out. Nobody really wins this battle, least of all my blood sugar counts. But I totally came up with a solution that does not involve me permanently altering my diet!
Perhaps you’ve heard of that Dr. Oz and his amazing detox cleanse diet? No? Well that’s okay because as I said before, if you have to give up gluten no one should ever take anything else away from you. Ever. But if you want to re-set your health button, and only want to commit to two days of it, do this 48-hour detox that involves taking a bath. Which I’m very much for, btw.
The whole idea behind a cleanse — or at least this particular cleanse — is to get rid of the toxins in your body and start over, hopefully making better choices for optimum health. Also some people say this cleanse gives you energy, helps you sleep better, and all sorts of other things. Personally, it gave me a migraine and a growling stomach. Still, I guess it was a good thing?
You might want to go on over to Dr. Oz’s site, because in addition to hating cleanses, I also hate the following ingredients that he recommends: pineapple, prunes, bananas, and sauerkraut. Which means I totally changed up the cleanse to suit my own preferences, and also I’ve really got to expand my palate.
But the gist of this cleanse is a quinoa cereal for breakfast, smoothie for lunch, unlimited kale and pineapple juice and/or certain vegetables for a snack, like this -
If you’re normal, and not like me, this means you’ll have a ton of food to eat and drink throughout the day. A ton of gluten-free food! Although, pretty much any cleanse will be gluten free. Especially those with zero food.
Do it! Or don’t. Really, you do enough already.
Dr. Oz wants you to throw some prunes in with the rice milk, but I skipped the prunes and added raisins because ohmygod I hate prunes. I don’t know if this is kosher, but I figured since I don’t really like raisins anyway, my cleanse karma remained unaffected. Another tip — if you have chia seeds, perhaps use those instead of the flax oil because the flax oil makes it taste somewhat nasty. You’re so excited about this, aren’t you?
1/2 cup quinoa
1 cup water
1 pinch nutmeg
1 teaspoon grated ginger (be sure you peel the ginger before grating)
1 tablespoon chia seeds
1/3 cup chopped prunes or raisins
1/4 cup rice milk
1. Combine quinoa, water, nutmeg, and ginger in a pot and bring to a boil.
2. Reduce heat, and simmer for 10 minutes.
3. Stir in rice milk, and prunes or raisins. Cover and cook for 5 minutes on low, add chia seeds and serve.
Makes: 1 serving
Most people would put a banana in a smoothie. I am not most people, and thus I doubled the almond milk, added raspberries, and skipped the banana. Please feel free to just enjoy that banana and simply use 1/2 cup almond milk and omit the raspberries.
1/4 cup frozen blueberries
1/4 cup frozen raspberries
1 cup almond milk
1/2 cup ice
1 Tablespoon ground flax or chia
1. Put everything into a blender and liquefy.
Makes: 1 serving
Vegetable Broth Soup
I skipped the parsley in this recipe just because I didn’t have any handy. You can add it, or ignore that random herb.
2 red onions, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 fennel bulb, chopped
2 teaspoons caraway seeds
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons freshly ground pepper
1 cup shitake mushroom caps, sliced
4 cloves garlic, chopped
1 cabbage, chopped
2 quarts water
2 Tablespoons paprika
2 Tablespoons fresh oregano, chopped
1. Combine all ingredients in a deep stock pot. Add water and bring to a boil.
2. Reduce heat, and simmer for one hour. Season to taste.
3. Top with fresh parsley, if desired, and serve with sliced apples and sauerkraut (optional).
Makes: 5 servings
Other tips for making the most out of the good doctor’s cleanse are:
- Don’t eat after 7pm
- Drink a glass of dandelion tea before bed
- Take an Epsom salt bath
Do you love or hate a cleanse?