Here is the Gluten in Your Neighborhood


gluten-free officeSo people, about six weeks ago I started a job in an office. As opposed to my working in my comfy chair in my living room where I’ve been firmly ensconced since I moved to LA and also, ever since I got the old celiac diagnosis. This meant controlling my food environment from my chair was pretty easy. Now? I’ve got these treats to contend with on a pretty regular basis. I know! Isn’t my office awesome, unless you have a gluten problem? Look at what else is going on here.

gluten-free officeYep, buckets of pretzels all over the place.

I had no idea how much gluten was just hanging around your average office. Get a load of these -

gluten-free officeIn addition to these goodies, the cabinets are stocked with cereal. I’m having flashbacks to my freshman year in the dorms, and in a good way.

If only I could eat gluten, I would never need to buy breakfast, snacks, or dessert ever again! All of this gluten is like supplemental income for people who can eat it. Check out my co-worker.

gluten-free office

That’s Paula, and she’s going to have to pay taxes on all that free cake.

There were three cakes in our office today, people. THREE CAKES.  It was a birthday celebration, but it’s also the third birthday party to take place complete with amazing treats since I started. No, I’m not going to tell you where I work, because you’re going to try to drop by pretending to want directions, and instead eat all of the cake.

So far I’m pretty whatevers about this whole gluten glut on account of my brain is dead due to the starvation. But at some point, I’m going to start sneaking some gluten-free goodies into that joint. What should I bust out first, the Twix brownies or the deep-fried Kool-Aid? Because it’s happening. Oh, it’s happening.

How do you deal with gluten up in your business?

7 Comments

Filed under Celiac Disease, Uncategorized

7 responses to “Here is the Gluten in Your Neighborhood

  1. My former entertainment “industry” themed office brings in the high-class food schwag for high-class “guests” and forbids the lowlies from indulging in the pricey and glutinous snacks.

    Except someone verboten was eating the $5 bagels! And Sprinkles cupcakes! Oh my!

    Since I am the only, how you say, “full-figured” lady employee – instead of investigating, the uppers just auto-assumed. Cant blame them, right? Obbbbbbbbviously I can’t help myself.

    Cut to: Finding out.

    Cut to: Celiac diagnosis to HR and loose but agressive use of the word “discrimination”.

    Cut to: Undisclosed damages//WINNING IN BEVERLY HILLS.

    END SCENE

    Just saying, if that bucket of pretzels goes missing and somebody wants your job, you’ve got an air-tight alibi.

  2. Noel

    What I would like to know, have you ever been made fun of? Except my IBD and migraine, I do not have any diagnosed condition. So I put myself in lot of diet restrictions and recently noticed that I may be gluten sensitive. I avoid going to many social events because I have been told “what a faulty machine I am!!” Getting into any arguments with such idiots doesn’t help, so I wonder how folks with similar issues handle, esp at workplace..

    • Okay, both of you — what the hell? Hayley, you get accused of “stealing” the fancy snacks? And Noel, people make fun of you????

      I’ve only been here for a month-and-a-half, but I can’t imagine either of those things happening. What the holy hell, people????

      And I’m so sorry to both of you. That is bullshit.

  3. The only thing standing between me and the title “chubby bagel thief” was proof those bitches be cray*.

    But to the actual question, I’m lucky to have worked within walking distance of both a Whole Foods and Tender Greens, so when I forgot to bring things to eat I had easy back-ups.

    I can say that no one has ever made an effort to include my dietary restrictions into an office party or shared baked goodies, but I also work with a lot of asocial tech guys** and very few ladies, so it isn’t so shocking.

    *I’ve lived in LA too long.
    **You can write “HAYLEY’S $26 GLUTEN FREE SPECIAL PIZZA, SRSLY DO NOT EAT, THIS IS NOT YOURS” all day … they ain’t care.***
    ***They’re also totally the ones stealing the bagels.

  4. MairiK

    I hear you all- I’ve been not so politely dropped from book clubs etc. due to my “unneccessarily difficult food needs”, told that it’s all in my head, a fad, that prayer would solve my gluten issues, bitched at by waiters, told by restaurants that maybe we “just aren’t a fit” oh! the whiney tales of woe I could divulge…
    I do hope there is such a thing as karma- but I want to be there to watch when it hits!

  5. Haha, I love this post. At my old job I felt like I was confronted with gluten filled birthday cakes and other food celebrations several times a week. I got my jollies thought by knowing that I’d be still able to zip up my pants at the end of my employment there :). Happy to have found your blog!

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