Gluten-Free Santa Barbara: Tupelo Junction

Hey, you mothers. I hope you had a fabulous day celebrating your mom-ness. I certainly did as my husband and kids kind of rocked it.  A lot. We also got out of town for some family bizness, and I got to explore Santa Barbara again and its fare for those of us special types. While my mother-in-law always grabs an amazoid gluten-free pie or quiche from Simply Pies, the husband and I enjoy a night out or three when we’re also in the company of a grandma babysitter. So out we went.

It’s always a risk to dig into Southern (American) food when you’re in Southern California. Add that whole gluten thing to the list of requirements, and it’s downright dangerous. Hell, I have a whole cookbook filled with gluten-free Southern food because it’s incredibly difficult to find. Incredibly.

When my husband made a reservation at Tupelo Junction in Santa Barbara I was suspicious. After all, I’d enjoyed some lovely fried chicken there years ago when were visiting from New York and first dating, and long before I was no longer allowed to shove gluten in my fried chicken hole. But guess what? That SoCal gluten-free friendly thing came in very handy as the menu was marked with items that could be made gluten-free! Like that lovely Red Beans and Rice with roasted corn, tomatoes, greens and shallots and Tupelo Honey Vinaigrette Salad w/roasted sunflower seeds pictured above. GF, baby. Also gf?

Celiac Disease Turns Out to Be Awesome

If you almost threw up reading that headline, know that I’m with you. Still. It turns out that I’ve discovered the most useful thing about having celiac disease—you can help other people when they receive the same diagnosis. Which is what just happened. But before I get all wise and zen-like, let me just say this—

Gluten-Free Los Angeles: Black Market Liquor Bar + Celebrities

You guys, I had no idea how totally cool I was. Let me walk that back a minute. I had no idea how totally cool I was if say, being cool was measured by how many middle-aged celebrities you dine with in one night. Anyone have a metric on that? No? Well, let me just tell you that the hubs and I went out to dinner last weekend and made two fascinating discoveries: When we go out at normal dinner time to one of our favorite neighborhood’ish joints, CELEBRITIES ARE THERE; and the manager of said MIDDLE AGE CELEBRITY HANG OUT has celiac. If that’s not a win, I can’t help you.

So we rolled up to Black Market Liquor Bar in our Altima, valet’d, took a seat at the tall tables (which I totally hate, and was a bit resentful until I realized we didn’t have a reservation and Ducky was occupying the normal table next to me. Love Ducky. Would have been the weird girl to hook up with Ducky at the prom. #duh) and went on to throw back the whiskey drinks. Which are inventive, and crazy good, as well as being gluten-free. Although one whiskey drink has a beer factor (which is clearly marked on the menu) so skip that action.

Of course once it came time to order I was looking over the seasonal menu of artisanal cheeses and ahi tuna, and started to sweat it a little bit as it appeared that gluten was on the side of most dishes. Yes, we did consider leaving even after we noticed that guy from “Wings” embracing Will from “Will & Grace” but wow, am I glad I stayed put and asked the waiter about the gluten-free options available. That dude came back with this –

Gluten-Free Disneyland is Challenging, Still Magical

Why yes these ARE gluten-free Mickey waffles

Okay, so no one goes to Disneyland for the food. Well, unless you’re able to eat gluten and then you line up for churros and shove them in your churro hole. For those of us who can’t eat gluten Disneyland may be a friendly place, but you still need to be prepared, because shit can get real.

Here’s the thing. When you take two kids to Disneyland it’s all about them. Even if you’re on the hunt for gluten-free goods you’ve got to take a detour to Tomorrowland, slide on through to Fantasyland, race through Frontierland, and stop in Critter Country before they melt down across the way at California Adventure after waiting in line for TWO FREAKING HOURS to take a ride at Radiator Springs. Two hours you guys. Or two hours and an extra 15-20 which we’re pretending didn’t happen because there’s no excuse for that kind of waiting, even if your son has been talking about Cars Land for over a year and all he wanted for his birthday was to go to mother scratchin’ Cars Land, and he happened to be puking his brains out on his birthday so his birthday party was delayed one week. Have you ever been in a line for ANYTHING for two-and-a-half hours? I didn’t think so. Because you’re smarter than we are.

After all of that, mama is hungry and Flo’s is only serving breakfast. And while this gluten-free breakfast may look appetizing-

Dudes, it’s not. It tasted just like that Air Canada gluten-free breakfast I had, yet I was still at California Adventure instead of on my way to Paris.

So I was starving, and freaking out about gluten while my kids were all, “Where’s Goofy???!!!!” and “Mama, why are you crying?”

Still, there are options. Lots of options, because anytime you sidle up to an eatery and declare your gluten-freeness, a chef comes out to make sure you are taken care of in a safe way. Which is great. Because if you have just a little bit of patience, and aren’t in a super duper rush, every Disneyland restaurant and hotel has gluten-free options.

This especially comes in handy when everyone else was able to at Redd Rocket’s Pizza Port but no, you waited until you got back to the hotel room because yes, they have gluten-free pizza but it will take a while, and the rest of your family is about to melt down and MUST EAT NOW AND THEN PASS OUT. So at least when we went to crash, I could still order this from room service-

Gluten-Free Kid Birthday Party . . . ‘ish

First of all, Happy Birthday Judah!! My little dude turned four today, and I’m trying to make it not totally awful. You see, we were supposed to be at Disney & California Adventure right about now going crazy at Cars Land, instead he’s trying not to throw up his gluten-free birthday cupcake. Although, considering this was Judah the last time we went to Disneyland -

Maybe home is the better choice.

All of this is to say, I was planning on being in a hotel relying on those swell people to provide birthday treats to my boy, and instead I had to hustle when I arrived home from Austin to a house full of sick kids. No Disneyland service, meant pulling together a last minute birthday celebration. For someone who is puking. Yep.

Gluten-Free SXSW: BBQ, Queso & Cupcakes

Hells yes, you can get your gluten-free on at SXSW this year. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Austin is kinda’ the gluten-free capitol of the world . And even though I forgot my go-bag, and wound up in dire need of some gluten-free sustenance, when I did happen to sit down at a restaurant, I was able to be fed safely and amazingly. I even got a gluten-free Slurpee -

Gluten-Free Mall: BJ’s

I just spent the most beautiful afternoon at the Century City Mall. I’m not even kidding. I do live in LA, so it’s kind of about time I was hanging out, browsing Zara, and picking up lunch at the food court. Of course the malls of today are not the malls of my youth, so thank god I wasn’t tempted by a Corn-Dog-on-a-Stick. (Can I get a hey-hey for the cheese-on-a-stick? RAD.) Instead, I wandered into BJ’s Restaurant & Brewhouse, where they’ve been tuned into the gluten-free thing for as long as I’ve been on the gf wagon train.

This is the first time I’ve actually spent some time hanging out there, and ordering a variety of gluten-free options. I was pretending I was a real food critic, and thusly, ordered more than one lady hanging out at the mall on a Saturday afternoon would actually consume. It was awesome, yet I will recommend this: Do not order your dessert alongside your entree in hopes of a good photo, because you will eat your dessert, and forget that you even had an entree. Especially if that entree includes broccoli.

So here’s what went down.

Gluten-Free Los Angeles: Stout Burgers & Beers

A few weekends ago, my husband and I headed out to a super fun dinner with friends in Hollywood. While the company was top-notch, our dinner was a little shaken up by an insanely loud fire alarm that went on for at least 10 minutes, during which time the four of us were out on the fire escape/stairwell because the noise was too painful to endure back at our table. Sure our food got cold, and no discount was offered for our trouble, but I did get one tip that (almost) makes up for it: Stout Burgers & Beers.

Our waiter—who was lovely, other than that whole, what discount? thing—has  a wife with a gluten problem, so when I told him about my special needs, he knew exactly what I was talking about. He also recommended Stout for the gluten-free me and this was very exciting for my burger and beer loving family. Even with that thumbs up, I was still so pleasantly surprised by our dining experience when we went to a place that specializes in mad amounts of gluten. First, I saw this on the menu-

Gluten-Free Burbank: Story Tavern

Happy President’s Day, Americans! As a nod to our presidents of the past, of which almost 100% of them have roots in the UK, I thought an Irish Pub visit was in order. Okay, I just went there without stopping to consider any president — past or future — because this particular Irish’ish joint has a very special secret. That’s right, a gluten-free secret.

Oh, Hell It’s a Gluten-Free Diet Cleanse Situation: Week 1

I realize it’s the part of January where everyone gives up on those New Year’s Day resolutions, which is why I’m getting started. That way, when I fail I’ll be all, “You guys didn’t even last this long, suckers!” So here’s the deal. Erika, a lovely gluten-free fitness coach, contacted me about getting my gluten-free butt in gear. Yes, there is such a thing as a gluten-free fitness coach and now all of you people who indulge in gluten are jealous.

It’s possible this news is shocking to all of you who have been enjoying my wild ride through the sugars of the world. But the fact is eating deep-fried goodness is not so good for your gluten-free fat ass. Additionally I’m about to do this whole book promotion thing and am hardcore angling for my gluten-free story to be told as a Lifetime movie. So maybe getting in shape, and stopping my daily diet of dairy, sugar, and more of that is the way to go. This is the plan (and you can follow along too, my masochist friends!). First, I’m doing this crazy detox/cleanse/reset situation. Then, Erika is going to make me exercise or something. I think it will work.

Let’s talk about the new diet!

Erika is also on the cleanse/restart/vegan train through the Beachbody Ultimate Reset (anyone who knows me is laughing heartily right about now) and asked if I would go along for the ride. She’s also quite foul-mouthed so we’re getting along perfectly. Here’s the thing about this situation: There is some fantastic food on this reset. Sure you have to prepare three meals a day and perfectly time your mineral supplements, but I’m pretty sure all of that organization is perfectly designed to keep you from realizing you’re not eating cheeseburgers. Oh, and you also cut out coffee and booze. So far, it’s not too bad, and kind of good. This is the awesomeness I’m eating.