Gluten-Free Books & Booze in San Diego!

Okay, so I started before we left LA. Still! You guys, it’s Memorial Day Weekend and you know what that means! That’s right, it’s time to break out my favorite summer cocktail that is naturally gluten-free: The Raspberry Bourbon Lemonade Refresher. Or as I call it, sunshine over ice. So maybe I just now called it that. Good, right?

Still, I am headed down to San Diego this weekend and I hope all of you people in the area stop by my book thing because it’s at this amazing space called Organic Hammer. These people do much more important and interesting things than I do, so if you’re in the SD area, specifically Encintas, and you’re all, “It’s time I went sustainable all up in my house and lawn,” you should stop by. (Among other things, they do that shizzle.) But on Sunday, they’ve invited me to say “Helooooo, San Diego!” and do a little talking about Gluten Is My Bitch: Rants, Recipes & Ridiculousness for the Gluten-Free, a little signing, and a lot of grinning because I’m so close to the beach and awesomeness. Be there at 1pm and maybe—just maybe—I’ll also have some BUTTONS!!!!

While I doubt I’ll have access to my Sunshine Over Ice beverage on Sunday, I will tell you how to make it right NOW.

Raspberry Bourbon Lemonade Refresher

Ingredients

1 1/2 ounces bourbon
4-5 fresh raspberries
3 ounces raspberry lemonade/lemonade
1 lemon round
Ice

1. Place raspberries in the bottom of your glass and muddle.

2. Put ice in glass and pour bourbon, followed by lemonade. Give it a nice stir.

3. Garnish with lemon round, and enjoy!

Makes: 1 glass of sunshine

See you in SD!

Good News for the GF Kid + Amazing Secret Recipe

Well, lots of good news. First, my the GF kid does not have to be gf anymore! Unless, of course, she’s eating in my house. Do you see how happy she is? It’s almost like she was at Disneyland. (Ed note: She was totally at Disneyland)

So here’s the thing. Back when I was all, holy f&*k my kid is a celiac, it turns out that blood test was a false positive. The endoscopy shows all clear, and the biopsy the same. This is great news. It does not mean that I won’t always be looking over her shoulder for gluten (and the same goes for her tiny brother), but for now I’m going to try really, really, hard to act like she’s 100%. I wonder if you have this problem too.

Even with the blood test and the endoscopy, I’m scared for my girl. It does not help that she looks like me, she does—on occasion—talk like me, and tears through chapter books like me. Wait. I mean, when I was a kid. I can totally read more than chapter books now, you guys. So I’m trying to be only excited, and not excited + worried. I’d love to just put this all behind me. Which is why we’re going to go ahead and do that genetic test. Until then, I reserve the right to worry about my kids. I mean, duh.

But there’s more good news! I’m going to teach you guys how to make a Wendy’s Frosty in your own damn home. You know why? Going to Wendy’s is going to make you very sad if you can’t eat a cheeseburger. Also, YOU CAN MAKE FROSTYS IN YOUR OWN HOME. Like this one, right here.

Even though I just touted this as an “amazing secret recipe” everyone on Pinterest has been all, “Here’s how to make a Frosty!” and “Hey dummy, it’s super easy to make a Frosty.” And you know what, I have always wondered what was in a Frosty. It’s like chocolate, but not quite. But it is. Is it a mix? Why so creamy?

The mystery is solved. Hey! Here’s how you make a gluten-free Frosty because you do NOT want to go to Wendy’s.

P.S. Frosty’s are already gluten-free. Anyhoo.

Hmmm, Is Something Gluten-Free Happening Today?

You guys can read backwards, right?

Get yer butt to the bookstore, people. Gluten is My Bitch is OUT.

P.S. I love you all.

It’s a Gluten-Free Basil Corn Muffin with Goat Cheese!

Yes, it is. Clearly, it’s been muffin week at my house. Which I highly recommend, btw. And the best way to end this muffin-o-rama is with this beaut. It’s a gluten-free basil corn muffin, then you stuff it with goat cheese. STUFF IT WITH GOAT CHEESE. And here I was just using butter this whole time.

I found this recipe in one of those Martha Stewart type magazines. And again, since I seem to have a load of gluten-free corn bread mix, I just tweaked the recipe to make it gluten-free using my handy dandy mix. If you have gf flour and gf cornmeal on hand, just know that you use 1/4 cup cornmeal and 2 cups of all-purpose gluten-free flour. Honestly, do what you like because you’re going to be putting goat cheese inside. Really.

Sure this is a fantastic muffin, but if you want to rock your world and everyone else’s within a 15-mile radius, piar it with an Italian tray bake and roasted asparagus. Yep.

I love dinner. I freaking love it.

So yeah, this is a superior muffin for a superior meal. Make it wisely.

Gluten-Free Madras Lentils & Green Rice in 5 Minutes or Less

You ever have one of those days when you’re like “‘eff you, and ‘eff that, and ‘eff that other thing”? Then you drive two-and-a-half hours home in horrible traffic and you’re like “I have to make ‘effing dinner? ‘Eff that too.” That’s where your Tasty Bite comes into play and saves your evening.

Normally I’m more of a make it from scratch kind of gal, but this whole commuting in LA thing has made me look much more fondly upon the packages at the store. Hence, my frozen brown rice from Trader Joe’s I dressed up to make “green” and my willingness to taste test some Indian food from the Tasty Bite people who sent me a whole box of yumness.

I admit I was not familiar with the Tasty Bite, but after reading a bit it seems like they’re all for the farm fresh, no BPA in packaging, carefully marking and creating the gluten-free, treating their employees right, and general goodness. The Madras Lentils that took all of one minute to heat up was certainly delicious, and I have to say I’m really looking forward to checking out the Satay Partay package, as I’m always ready for both a satay and a partay at any given moment. So thanks TBs, for the grub! As well as the ability to eat in five minutes so I could finally catch up on Game of Thrones.

Here’s how you do that quick green rice situation:

Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Muffins by the GF Kid

So here’s an unexpected bonus from that whole celiac thing running in families. My daughter has decided she’s going to be a master gluten-free baker/bakstress. So we had a rollicking weekend filled with experimental gluten-free baking, mixing, and general “adding pink food coloring to milkshakes” in hope of finding her signature baked good.

These gluten-free chocolate chip muffins are not it.

They are, however, super easy to make and she learned the importance of reading through a recipe.

Yep, that’s a Thomas Train tattoo. She’s a lil’ bad ass.

Still, these muffins were great right out of the oven, but they suffered that gluten-free fate that so many gf baked goods do: a day later they’re bleh. These banana chocolate chip muffins had a much longer shelf life. As did this gluten-free mix of chocolate chocolate chip muffins.

So if you need a quick muffin fix, you can take this recipe and add in the fruits, nuts, and sweets of your choice. Or if you need a basic recipe to practice on if you’re a 7-year-old celiac, this is your go-to.

How to Feed a Gluten-Free Cold

Yeah, I’ve been sick. And cranky. And very hungry. You might think this is my usual state of being, but only one of those things is true. You see, this week has been a very special combo of head/chest cold, insane cough that has been frightening my co-workers, and a husband out of town on business. Shockingly, the kids have not been helpful. This is why I took it on myself to provide comfort food and drink to the sick person in the house, namely gluten-free me.

Sure I’ve been powering down oranges, and sipping on tea, but the real comfort can only come from meat and potatoes followed by a hot toddy. Or at least that’s what I told myself on day four of this hacking cough, body aches, and a dearth of fun in my life. (Note, this does not apply to having a fever. Sure, I thought I had one until I realized I accidentally left the heater on for two days. A cold? That situation calls for grub.)  At the same time, no one who is battling a nasty cold wants to put the kids to bed and prepare a giant meal. And that, my friends, is where I got efficient. Don’t worry, there is a recipe or two here but the real trick is whipping this all up with as little effort as possible. What is this? Gluten-free prime rib over potato hay stacks with a gluten-free hot toddy.

Gluten-Free Corn Dogs Are a Beautiful Thing

Oh yes. These beauties made an appearance in my home this weekend, and I’m trying to figure out a way to justify making these on a regular basis. Homemade gluten-free corn dogs, you guys. CORN DOGS. Now, I just have to find out where I can buy those rectangular cheese bars so I can fry those up as well. Then I’ll be setting up my own Gluten-Free Hot Dog on a Stick booth in front of my house and leaving my day job behind. Because everyone will want in on this action and will drive all over LA to get them, amiright? Or maybe it’s just me.

Either way, we threw down some of this action this weekend and it was super delicious. I found a recipe on Gluten-Free Baking and then came home to realize I had gluten-free corn bread mix from Bob’s Red Mill, so I upended the recipe and it wound up looking, and tasting, yum to the yum yum. The GFB also offered some tips that were incredibly helpful no matter what recipe you’re using.

1. Dry your dogs then roll them in gluten-free flour to help everything stick correctly.

2. Use a very tall glass to hold the batter and then dip the dogs inside and swirl.

3. One tip the GFB had that did not apply to me, was to use tongs and don’t touch the sticks because they’re hot. My skewers were not hot at all. Either way, don’t test that theory by wrapping your paws around the sticks as soon as they’re out of the deep fat fryer.

4. One tip from me, be sure your deep fat fryer is well-filled so the dogs don’t hit the bottom or sides and stick.

5. Last tip: Enjoy the hell out of these gluten-free corn dogs.

‘Mad Men’ Meal for the Gluten-Free

You know you’re all into the mid-century ad business/out of wedlock sex/Roger’s Thesaurus happening on your basic cable, the AMC. In case you missed it last week, Mad Men came back and those clothes and hairstyles are getting wacky! Yep, times are changing for the crew at Sterling, Cooper, Draper, and Pryce (is it still Pryce? Unclear), and whatever Joan’s last name is. Since Don remains the same, the way we should eat and drink while enjoying watching that guy implode should remain firmly in that era as well.

3 Sneaky—And Gluten-Free—Ways I Tried to Trick My Kid This Week

In a random stroke of my luck, my kid with the celiac will eat anything. She thinks fruit is a treat and swallows snap peas like they’re jelly beans. Then I have this other kid. He only eats white foods. I thought it was a phase, but we’re about a year into it and I’m realizing this is just his thing. I honestly don’t know how he’s grown so tall without a fruit or vegetable touching his lips, ever. It’s true for awhile I could get a Jamba Juice down him so he at least got some carrots and oranges along with the sugar load. And for a brief shining moment he was very into “green french fries” which was broccoli or avocado in disguise. But this kid just doubled down on his veggie hate and now he won’t even consider something fruit or vegetable related. Worse yet, he’s one year smarter and now he KNOWS what a fruit or vegetable is and can’t even be tricked with “nature’s candy.” Damn it!

I have now gone into full-on sneaky chef mode because I would hate for him to get scurvy. What could go wrong?

Oh, just a shit ton.