Explaining “Gluten Is My Bitch” To Every Generation

I love these people

Well, that was a fine howdy doody yesterday at the Celiac Disease Foundation conference. Holy moly, the gluten-haters were out in droves and I got to meet some of YOU guys. My awesome readers and fighters in the crusade against crapping your pants. You. Are. Awesome. See above for some of the awesome, but rest assured there are many more of you. Many, many, more. One of whom brought me this gluten-free churro cupcake that’s only made once a year, on May 5th in Pasadena.

WTF? Amazing. Also, I really need about 20 more of these because I’m now totally addicted. So thanks for that Stef. No, really.

There were, however, a few uncomfortable moments that naturally come when you’re out trying to hock your book called Gluten Is My Bitch: Rants, Recipes, & Ridiculousness for the Gluten-Free. Not to be an ageist, because I’m still chuckling over the septagenarian who screamed in delight when she saw my book and promptly called me a bitch. She was awesome. But between the mom who was shielding her tween from my booth, and the gentlemen who asked me what I meant, exactly, I realized I might have some ‘splaining to do. So I’ve worked it out, by age.

What to Expect at the Celiac Disease Foundation Expo: Books, Cookies & Dinosaurs

Okay, at least one of those things. And me! Me! I’ll be up in Pasadena this weekend at the CDF Conference and big ass gluten-free expo selling my books to the FIRST PEOPLE IN AMERICA. Whoo-hooo! So line up, celiacs. But don’t expect cookies or dinosaurs. That was totally false advertising to lure you in. Not unlike when you flip through the Anthropolgie catalog and you’re all, “If I bought that blouse, I could swing in a hammock overlooking a rain forest!” Just books.

Although I’m guessing you’ll get your fill of gluten-free goodies up in the expo. These gluten-free cookies? These are King Arthur’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix that my husband whipped up to provide my girl with a gluten-free cookie for a field trip. Sure they were delicious, but something is a little funny here in the court of King Arthur. You see, you have to provide your own chocolate chips. Luckily, we always have chocolate chips in my house so we were cool. It just seemed a bit, I don’t know, odd. I conveniently missed the note on the box of the gluten-free chocolate chip cookie mix that said, “make it special with your add-ins” and then took a second look and realized it actually said “gluten-free cookie mix.” Sorry, I was just distracted by that delicious looking chocolate chip cookie on the box. Don’t be fooled fellow gluten-freers! And bring your own add-ins.

Do you know one very special thing I AM bringing with me to the expo (besides, of course Gluten Is My Bitch: Rants, Recipes, & Ridiculousness for the Gluten-Free)?

Can We Talk About Doctors?

After spending a day-in-the-half in the hospital, first for myself, then for my daughter, I’ve recently had the delight of being exposed to a number of physicians. While I’m a big fan of my general practitioner, and don’t even get me started on my GI doc (so handsome, so unfazed by poop talk), whenever I’m sick I find myself in that position of playing phone dodge with my GP’s office. Usually I’m calling before they open, or after, or in that two-hour lunch break where the staff refuses to answer the phone for 15 minutes leading up and 15 minutes after. Which is how I wound up at one of those walk-in clinics on the weekend, and ultimately in the ER.

All doctors are not created equal, ya’ll. Some of them are all, “Umm, yeah you should NOT be taking these antibiotics,” and others are like, “I’m pretty sure it’s not the most powerful antibiotics in the world that you’re hoovering while being celiac, but merely a stomach bug,” as I’m being pumped full of morphine. Then there’s the, “It was probably that burger you had.” Ummm, don’t mess with my burger, people. Do. Not. Mess. (Although if it does turn out to be the burger, well, fool me once contaminated meat, shame on you . . . )

Then we’re all up in my daughter’s villi and the result is, “Looks good, but that blood test seems wonky, so let’s biopsy and talk about this celiac situation again.”

Okay. I get that maybe medical science isn’t all that exact. I get that people get misdiagnosed, non-diagnosed, and just ignored for years. But at this point I was preparing for my super duper exciting book release (TUESDAY!!!!) and my even more exciting book hocking this weekend at the CDF Gluten-Free Expo in Pasadena. (Yes, I do realize that “excited” and “gluten-free expo in Pasadena” do not usually go together. But you, my people, get it.) And instead of just sitting around staring at a pile of books, grinning like an idiot I’m instead staring at this gluten-free chicken soup and waiting for when I can actually eat it without yakking.

Celiac Disease Convention Surprisingly Delicious & Boozy

News Flash: Dum-Dums are gluten-free

You guys, this weekend was cray-cray! I just got finished partying with a bunch of Celiacs at the annual Celiac Disease Foundation Convention and you know what that means. That’s right, the Tito’s vodka was flowing, the gluten-free pizzas were being passed around, and nobody went home alone. Can I get a wha-what?

Or, you know, maybe the convention started at 7:30 a.m. and since the hotel was all of 2.5 minutes from my house and my kids woke us up at 5:30 I drank a lot of coffee and walked across the street to see what’s new and g-free! Either/Or.

The point is, I discovered some new tasty treats that are all gluten-free, and I’m going to fill you in on that business. As seen in the pile of free samples I walked away with, above. Not pictured: Bard’s gluten-free beer, which was chilling in my fridge; Venice Bakery gluten-free pizza crust, which was in my oven covered in prosciutto and mozzarella; and a snack pack of Lay’s original potato chips which I already ate. I kind of had to, as I didn’t know they were gluten-free, so when the nice man handed them out I immediately busted those chips open.

In addition to these goodies, you could kind of graze your way through the convention hall and fill up for the day on gluten-free foods. I have to say there’s something refreshing and very much an antidote to the disappointment I feel when walking through Costco on the weekend. I could eat anything in that entire place, you guys. ANYTHING. And I did. Here is one of my faves.