Gluten-Free Rainbow Cake in the House!

Nope, I can’t believe I did this either. Although when I show you the full-on photo you will see how I jacked it all up and realize that oh, yes, that seems more like April’s style. But let’s just bask in the amazingness of this gluten-free six layer rainbow cake that KICKS ASS. And actually is not that hard to throw together, believe it or not. That is, if you’re a normal person with loads of patience and realistic expectations of the hours in the day and such. But even if you’re like me and expect to whip up this masterpiece in a few hours before company comes over, it can be done. The first thing you do is head to the store and buy up all the gluten-free vanilla cake mix they have to offer.

I LOVE XO Baking Co.’s cake mixes, pancake mixes, buttercream frosting mixes—basically everything they do I am a huge fan of eating in mass quantities. Tragically, they did not have enough left at the gluten-free store so I had to use two different kinds of cake mixes. Which is fine, it’s just not as easy and I’m all about making things as easy as possible for you people (and of course, for myself.) You will need three regular gluten-free cake mixes for this recipe, or use one of your favorite cake recipes and triple that sucker. Now, let’s talk about frosting.

You can also go with three gluten-free frosting mixes from XO Baking Co., or you can triple one vanilla buttercream recipe (see below). Buttercream is so freaking good, and naturally gluten-free, but when you’re talking about this quantity you should really use a KitchenAid stand mixer. Says the girl who burned the motor out of her Cuisinart hand mixer whipping up this butter and powdered sugar magic.

Why yes I have been waiting until the last moment to discuss food coloring. Let’s all just work with the assumption that food coloring is not good for you. Apparently there are some food colorings out there that have gluten as well, though I have not yet stumbled across those vials of poison. McCormick’s food coloring is gluten-free so go forth and dye those vanilla cakes.

Now, let’s talk about how you can avoid this situation -

It looks like I took that cake for a ride around Mulholland in a roadster. Much less exciting, I simply could not wait for one cake to cool before baking the next (I only have two 8″ rounds) and then started slapping that icing on way too soon. Hence, my crazy cake. So here’s what you need—it’s called patience. Always allow your cakes to cool completely. Level the top of each cake with a serrated knife, and add a crumb coating of icing to every layer and the top of the cake and allow the thin layer of icing to dry completely before you do the big final icing situation. Sure this kind of waiting means you’re hanging out with rainbow cake all day, but you get to hang out with rainbow cake all day.

Rather than be intimidated, just know this: You’re making three two-layer cakes and icing them. You simply divide these three cakes six ways, and dye each layer a different color. Sprinkles optional (but highly recommended). It really is that easy. Also note, if you allow the cakes to cool completely before leveling, icing and stacking it will look perfect. But even if you go all slap-dashery like I did, it still tastes magical.

Get your rainbow on.

Gluten-Free Kid Birthday Party . . . ‘ish

First of all, Happy Birthday Judah!! My little dude turned four today, and I’m trying to make it not totally awful. You see, we were supposed to be at Disney & California Adventure right about now going crazy at Cars Land, instead he’s trying not to throw up his gluten-free birthday cupcake. Although, considering this was Judah the last time we went to Disneyland -

Maybe home is the better choice.

All of this is to say, I was planning on being in a hotel relying on those swell people to provide birthday treats to my boy, and instead I had to hustle when I arrived home from Austin to a house full of sick kids. No Disneyland service, meant pulling together a last minute birthday celebration. For someone who is puking. Yep.

Gluten-Free Diet Remorse

No one can complain with a gluten-free Chipwich in your mouth

Hello, GIMBers! I’m feeling a little weak from my whole reset/vegan’ish situation and it’s making me ponder that other time I had to cut out a major food group. Which was, coincidentally, two years ago last week! Happy horrible going gluten-free anniversary to me.

But I’m not the only one who was upended by this dramatic change, I have a family and all. When you’re diagnosed with celiac disease, the advice is to remove all gluten from the home; which means your roommates are going on the diet too. If you decide to go on a gluten-free diet — whether forcibly, or otherwise — you have to stop and consider the other people living in your home. I mean, I didn’t. But you totally should.

Granted the kids still have Cheerios and normal bagels, and I’m totally suspicious that my husband shoves as much gluten into his gullet every day at lunch, but other than those exceptions we’re kinda’ a gluten-free household. So I decided to sit them down and let them know I feel their pain, and what is that pain, exactly? It turns out, I’m cramping everyone’s restaurant dining style.

A Gluten-Free Food Truck TOTALLY HAPPENED

When life is getting you down, people, here’s a fantastic example of “it gets better.” You see, last Friday night I got gluten’d while dining out. I was not a happy lady, and the next day I had promised my daughter we were going to do something awesome, just the two of us. Even after my nap I was all, “Sweetheart, you know how mommy has this gluten thing?” But her big ol’ sad eyes made me get my shit together and take that kid ice skating. Sigh.

A funny thing happened on the way to the skating rink. This skating rink -

I stumbled upon that beautiful SweetWheels food truck and almost Roker’d my pants. In case you can’t read the up close it says, “Gluten-Free Churros.” Yes it does. After my little lady and I took a skate around the rink, we stopped by again and the truck was totally open! Here’s what a gluten-free churro looks like.

Gluten-Free Christmas Treats Don’t Get Any Easier Than This

Tada! It’s a Christmas miracle. I just got these mini gluten-free treats on the table in 7 minutes, and 2 of those minutes were sent searching for the gluten-free peppermints that were hiding on the top shelf in my pantry. By the way, aren’t all peppermints gluten-free? This is an assumption I made, then someone was all, “You can’t eat peppermints!” So I went home to confirm that mine were, in fact, free of the g word. Who is out there putting gluten in peppermints? That is bullshit.

So I got these dark chocolate brownie bites from Udi’s when I was celebrating the holiday and learning how to use knives properly. But I’ve also seen them all over Whole Foods, so you should pick up a package for any holiday emergencies. Or life emergencies. Or any non-emergency situation you may find yourself in that still requires gluten-free brownies. Naturally, I have a whipped cream in a can on hand as well (also gluten-free). This is a given.

Combine those three elements and bam, you’ve got a peppermint brownie to serve your hungry guests, and/or that empty hole in your heart. The bonus part of this exercise is you get to put peppermints in a plastic bag and whack the holy hell out of them to make these peppermint crumbs. Isn’t your holiday getting better by the gluten-free second?

Only, one very important note. While we didn’t eat every single brownie up right away (there was one sad brownie left) if you let these sit around at room temperature, that whipped cream from a can will wilt. Solution? Add more!!!

Here’s all you have to do to make this happen.

Gluten-Free Election Night Recipes: Ohio Specialities That Swing

artwork by Esme Goldman

We’re only a day away from the U.S. Presidential election, everybodys, and it’s all about Ohio.  Let’s throw a gluten-free election party that  can help you get inside the minds of those people who hold so much sway over our nation and its future. What makes those good people tick? How do they fuel their voting fingers? So I asked a few friends of mine who hail from the Buckeye State, and holyohmygods, you guys — people in Ohio eat CRAZY stuff. And they’re going to pick our next president! Daaaaamn.

Out of all of the options (tomato juice and chocolate chunks in the middle of your ice cream, anyone?) I settled on three:  Skyline chili, buckeyes, and the purple cow. Ohio, you’re kidding me.

Let’s start with the purple cow. My Okie grandma loved a good Coke float, but I understand if root beer floats are much more popular nationally. This immediately allowed me to relate to those Ohioans from Geneva as they pour on the grape soda over ice cream during the Geneva Grape Jamboree every year. Except, when my local showed up he explained it’s actually GRAPE JUICE people pour over ice cream. Umm, I’m sorry but that’s gross. I say, as I finish my carbonated purple cow for breakfast.

As an expert pretzel buckeye maker, I was also shocked when my Ohio friend, Abe, came over and sadly told me that real buckeyes are only the peanut butter mixture covered in chocolate. That whole pretzel thing is just fancy-ing it up. Sigh. So while I thought I was nailing a couple of Ohio traditions, I was actually butchering them. Abe  insisted I was improving on the two, but he’s just one nice fella’. Maybe like all of those Ohioans? Who love health care and hate curtailing women’s rights? I hope?

All of the input I received from Ohioans explained that Skyline chili is an acquired taste, yet one that is insanely popular around the state and beyond. As a Texas chili cooker my snob-o-meter went off when I read about some of the ingredients in this all-beef tomato based recipe. We’re talking cinnamon and chocolate, people. But that’s not even the biggest shock to those of us who grew up on chunks of beef and jalapenos. After the chili is all cooked, it goes on top of spaghetti, is smothered in cheddar cheese, chopped onions (optional), and crumbled saltines. CRAZY. Crazy, good, actually. Which is what I said after shoving some in my gullet. This much -

Yes, this is what your table should look like tomorrow night if you want to feel what Ohio is feeling. Personally, we already ate it up because we live in California and the election will be decided before we even finish our commute home from work. Still, get out there and vote people! May the best Democrat win.

Gluten-Free Halloween Treats for the Supremely Untalented

Like me! These are some cute wonky looking edible Frankenstein treats, are they not? I found them months ago on Pinterest, as I’m wont to do, and busted it out for our Halloween celebration. I just assumed I could directly mimic this super cute pic on the P-t but it turns out I can’t even make two eyes even. Ahhh, well. I’ve never claimed to be crafty and that’s okay because my mother tells me I have other talents.

Even for those of us with limited skilz, it’s super easy to make these cups o’ fun. You can even employ the kids for this project, and at this point I’d like to say my 3- and 6-year-old are totally responsible for the lack of perfection in these Frankenpuddings. In fact I have photographic evidence to back me up.

But, you know, I did some too. I’ll let you figure out which is which.

Make your own puddin’ for Halloweeeeeeen!

The Scariest Gluten-Free Cake Pops You’ll Ever See

“Hi, I’m Bob.”

There are people who make gluten-free cake pops, and people who eat them. As an eater, I made a huge mistake when attempting to cross over to the maker crowd. Huge. It was so tedious, and such a mess of my life, I now hate cake pops. And I have five million of them in my house bringing down the value on account of the total ugliness on a stick. You guys, that one pictured is my best one. You want to see the rest?

“Help us!”

I thought this would be an adorable thing to do with my kids. I even bought a special cake pop pan and followed the directions so I would have perfectly round little balls. Well one thing I did do right — balls. Plus, I used the amazing XO Baking Co. gluten-free cake mix and so they were delicious. I even had the frosting at the ready, but apparently in a cake pop box you don’t need to do that added step.

I even bought the perfect colored melting chocolates, like these -

But apparently you can’t spend your way out of massive failure.

All you’re supposed to do is melt chocolate and swirl the pop around until covered. One, I couldn’t get the butt covered to save my life; and two, I tried to turn a cake pop into Bob from Monsters Vs. Aliens, ghosts, pumpkins, and black cats. I should have just stopped with the half-assed swirling.

Also, you may be wondering what the heck this cereal box is doing in the picture above with the screaming gluten-free cake pops. You see, I followed some cake pop directions that were described as “easy” and attempted to make these cake pops stand up and dry on a box. They toppled over and stuck to the cereal box that I had just emptied in a panic, not helping in the attractive arena AT ALL. I’m not even going to show you the black cats with chocolate chip ears and smushed faces.

I am not, nor will I ever be, a cake decorator. But let’s say you want to give it a try. Here are some ways I messed up, so you won’t have to!

GIMB Guest Post: Crying in the Bathroom

Hello my GIMBers! I’m probably in flight, or just landing, or getting lost around the rues of Paris. In my absence, I’ve asked the lovely — and gluten-free — Caroline Donahue to guest post.

Caroline was the very first celiac I met in real life. She also exposed my sister-in-law to gluten-free dining way before I was also afflicted, so I’m forever grateful that she got a family member all primed and ready for a gluten-free me. But most importantly, when I connected with Caroline right after my diagnosis she was the first person to tell me that anger was an acceptable response to my new “lifestyle.”  I just kind of ran with that.

So now, I’m thrilled to introduce Caroline, and her story of gluten-free dining and crying. Since we all know those two things go together like peas and carrots. Meet Caroline!

Gluten-Free Chocolate Beet Bundt Cake: CSA Box Recipes

Beets. The hot vegetable popping up on every farm-to-table menu across the U.S. of A. is reaching the super ingredient tipping point. Pancakes, any kind of salad, a pot roast — you can throw beets in all of those things and call it gourmet. I, however, hate beets.

Nonetheless, these kind of amazing looking chioggia beets showed up in my CSA box and I was determined to do something with them that I would also enjoy. Otherwise they would just go bad and get thrown out, and what a waste. I have plenty of other vegetables that meet that fate every other week, so I wasn’t going to blow this opportunity. Look at these cuties –

I’ve heard rumors about cakes made with the beets, and this chocolate beet bundt cake was not bad. I mean, it was delicious and moist, and people were requesting the recipe. People who love beets, I’m guessing. People who hate beets probably felt like there was too much beet flavor inside. So you must decide if you want to get your beet on, or you want to have just a normal cake, sans hipster vegetable. Here’s where I give you a tip!

If you’re making a cake for the first time, and you want to taste it before you serve it up, pour a little bit of the batter into a ramekin and take it out about 5 — 10 minutes before your big cake finishes. Use a toothpick to test, by making sure it comes out clean. Then you won’t have an embarrassing moment of OMG, my cake tastes like ass and everyone is eating it! Then, add edible flowers on top so people think, wow, that’s pretty, I don’t even notice the beet/dirt taste!

But seriously, lots of people loved this, it was almost awesome. If not for the beets.

Regardless, it was a totally fun experiment. After that hard sell, here’s how you can do it.