What a Real Gluten-Free Emergency Looks Like

So we had a thing last night. A thing that looked like oceans of water flooding down the street as we turned the corner, to go up the hill, and home. Turns out that water was coming straight from our house! Needless to say I met some neighbors that I’d never had the pleasure to speak to before, and our water bill will surely take all of my latte money for the next five years. This, my friends, is one of those emergency moments.

Even though I think I’m so totally cool pulling together a gluten-free emergency go bag, this time I forgot one big thing. In an actual emergency, you don’t have time to bake muffins. And apparently when I’m faced with an emergency, I panic. I packed clothes, tooth brushes, my make-up (gotta’ look good in the event of a crisis!), bottles of water, and M&Ms. I looked into my cabinets and thought, “Hmmm, I’m guessing the Holiday Inn doesn’t have much in the way of gluten-fr– oh, forget it.” Then I packed up my family late at night and headed down the street to beg the nice people to let us have a deal since it was almost tomorrow anyway, and no one else was going to show up and take that room.

Here’s what they had in the way of snacks in the room:

Hey Party Planners, Would It Kill You To Go Gluten-Free?

This is How You Do It, People

Let me just start off by saying I understand that by being invited to a party, I’m already super lucky. Complaining about said party, is really bad form. But I’ve never claimed to have great form, so here goes. You know, party people, you don’t have to put flour in everything you put out on the buffet. You really don’t. Here’s a lovely list of options: Flourless chocolate cake, roasted vegetables, cheese trays with crackers optional, chicken satay with no flouring of the chicken parts. I could go on and on, and I will if anyone ever wants to consult me. I have a very reasonable fee.

I’ve already moaned about Wolfgang Puck and his crew, and now I’m going to moan about an American Idol party I was privileged to attend. (I know! I’m such a jerk.) Look at all this gluten:

Your Emergency Gluten-Free Go Bag, Explained

So basically, I’ve decided that when you’ve got to get out of your safety zone, and fast, this note is what you should have pinned to your chest. It’s nice, no? Add a few almonds and gluten-free crackers and you could probably survive the apocalypse.

It’s been a cuckoo time here at GIMB, and as I was packing up to leave the gluten-free comfort of my own home, I realized my emergency bag needed to be restocked. Just in case you’re reading this because you’re simply cool, you should know that gluten-free peeps have to travel with their own food. I know, it totally sucks. Especially when you’ve grown up on rest stops and drive-throughs. But then I had an Oprah A-Ha moment and thought, hey, wouldn’t people love to know what one should have in a gluten-free go bag? Of course you would. Ding, ding, ding! There’s a post, right there!

So here are what I believe to be the essentials of snack travel when you’re going into potentially unfriendly territory. Which is to say, anywhere outside your own home that does not include Austin, Texas or the Bay area.