So there was a shout-out on my FB page about a serious need for gluten- and dairy-free pizza. Some might say that taking the gluten and dairy out of a pizza = not a pizza. I am not one of those people. Although, admittedly, I couldn’t quite leave the cheese off the top when I was done. But you can! You, who know the evils of dairy.
I’ve heard of making a pizza crust with cauliflower so much I’m pretty sure everyone is doing it. I decided to try The Lucky Penny’s version of a cauliflower crust because she says it’s the best. I’m not going to stand for just the second best. So that’s what I tried. Of course, her best, best version calls for dairy in the form of Parmesan and mozzarella in the crust. YUMMMMMM. But I know that’s not what you asked for people, so luckily she also has a version that is dairy-free where she subs nutritional yeast and allows the crust to cook longer. So I did that! Now, hold your nose and let’s get started. This is what you start with, and wow does it stink! Continue reading
We’ve all been there. You’re all up in your kitchen going, “OMG, you guys! I’m about to rock the house with these treats!” And then, bam, that vanilla you thought you were adding to your cookies turns out to be mint. Amiright? No? Just me?
So that happened.
And the thing is, I was going for the easiest possible Valentine’s Day cookie solution by using Glutino’s sugar cookie mix. That is hard to mess up my friends, but I did. Or I possibly made it BETTER, which I’m really coming around to now that I’ve gobbled up four heart-shaped cookies with a minty tingle in one sitting.
Normally if you’re mixing up Glutino sugar cookies they recommend you just ball it up and bake. But if you want to go at it with a cookie cutter, do what I did and after mixing the ingredients allow the dough to chill for about an hour. Gluten-free flour a surface and a rolling pin, then roll out that dough to about a 1/4 inch thick. Cut into your favorite shapes and bake.
If you don’t have any Glutino handy, you can use this recipe wherein I used the Cup4Cup. These were awesome too. But the best part of my experiment in Valentine’s Day cookies was finally getting the icing right. I love me a buttercream, but butter don’t set. Instead, use a corn syrup based icing and if you want to make it dairy-free, you can substitute almond milk right on down the line. It’s like magic.
The thing is, we all know that sugar cookies with icing really means Christmas. And with that mistake-o-mint, these heart cookies totally reminded me of Christmas. Which made me think, “How many days until Christmas?” Because that means, “How many days until I can take some time off with my family and sit around shoving food in my face, and especially that Garrett’s popcorn?” Those were the days.
Let’s relive them, shall we?
My daughter came home from somewhere I can’t recall and announced that she had just had the BEST honey fried chicken. My intense jealousy sent me straight to the store for cut up chicken pieces and buttermilk. Because you know, I WANT FRIED CHICKEN TOO. I’ve done the chicken and waffle thing before (recipe in my book) on the gf, so this is really adding a honey step for even more deliciousness.
Fried chicken is one of those things that I truly missed the most when I was diagnosed with the sprue. Sure, I can make it myself and it’s not too complicated (says the girl who grew up with a grandmother who made it every time we were over), but I’m still super sad I can’t drive up to a joint and just dive in. Sigh. So this was fun to have around for a day or two including leftovers. I felt like I should have taken the extra on a pic-a-nic, but alas, we kind of don’t do that anymore. You never catch anyone packing up the cold chicken and potato salad with a checkered cloth and heading out to the woods. WEIRD. Why don’t we do that? We should do that.
Regardless, I had some Hodgson’s mill gluten-free seasoned flour which I’ve used before, so I just added some corn starch for extra crunch (you can also use potato starch or tapioca starch). If you use regular flour, salt and pepper that stuff and throw any other spices in that make you happy. Maybe even some hot sauce. The end result? Awesomeness.
Three words, you guys: Fried honey chunks. You should do this.
Damn, peoples. I’ll be honest. I’ve cut out a lot of sugar in my life since that whole experiment. Even more dairy. Something happened last weekend, however, or two somethings. One, we went to a family dinner post-wedding where bread pudding was served. And two, PUMPKIN IS HAPPENING. Perhaps, you’ve heard?
I’ve decided to commit to making as much food with pumpkin in the next 45 days as possible. I’m just assuming you are too. It’s what we do in America once fall happens and we all lose our shit. Up first, gluten-free pumpkin bread pudding.
Something I actually do is buy a couple of sugar pumpkins and roast them, grab the seeds and do them up, then puree the hell out of it and make good bizness. This year, however, I’ve got less than zero time so I bought some organic pumpkin guts and went to town.
I also went to Rising Hearts and loaded up on gluten-free brioche because I wanted to do it right. Honestly, I think if you used another gluten-free white bread like Udi’s it would still turn out great, but I wanted to brioche it up. So I did! And wow, my entire family is flipping out about this recipe. It’s coming back. Soon.
Damn. So right around 5 o’clock I usually start to unravel a bit. I’m finishing up work, I’m distracted, I’m all tapped out, and I want a pizza and a beer. Of course, I can’t really have those “normal” style so this is usually not the worst craving to have. What is bad? My insane wish for chocolate covered wine. Or something. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but it’s not going home to more steak and kale and water.
This is the point where I just whine for awhile about this totally voluntary eating plan I put myself on. Yes, that is the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard in your life. I’m choosing to take the Whole 30 challenge, and now I’m getting burned out, and pretending that I have no choice in this situation. Of course, if someone were holding a gun to my head (and rest assured, no one is) I could complain all night and be totally justified. As it is now? Well, I still can’t help myself from wishing like hell I could shove some rainbow right in my cake hole. I want this cake so bad, you guys. If I told you I wasn’t crying a little, that would be a lie.
Also? I could use a little Bourbon Joe Brownie Cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream to cheer me up.
And I wouldn’t kick a Ginger Lemon Martini out of my bed either. Or any of its cocktail friends.
They seem nice, don’t they?
And OHMARYMOTHEROFJESUS I WANT CORNDOGS!!!!
So, yeah. I’m gritting my teeth and watching the clock and waiting for this all to be over. And yes, I realize that if I eat and drink all of these things the second it’s over I’m not only making the previous 30 days completely useless, but I’ll get hella’ sick, hella’ fast. So I won’t do it all at once. Maybe just over a long weekend. And then the next week I’ll get back on the protein, vegetable, fat, minimal fruit horse because in spite of all of my bitchin’, I think I might have just changed some eating habits for good. Oh, snap.
So I’m the worst. I meant to take pictures of all of the bad-for-me meals I’ve been loading up on this week in preparation for a life-changing event (coming soon!). Instead, I ate most of them before I could remember to snap a photo with my greasy fingers. But still, I can totally tell you what I’ve been eating this week because IT’S CRAZY. But first, you deserve an explanation.
Two things. One, the kids were at grandma’s house so the hubs and I were on a dining out TEAR. Why not go out every night if you don’t have anyone waiting for you at home needing things like “food” and “water” and “safety”? So we did! But why stop there? I’m about to change the way I eat in a big huge way, so I decided stuffing as much cheese, gluten-free grains, and booze inside my pie hole was the way to go. That was the right decision, yes? Continue reading