Gluten-Free Madras Lentils & Green Rice in 5 Minutes or Less

You ever have one of those days when you’re like “‘eff you, and ‘eff that, and ‘eff that other thing”? Then you drive two-and-a-half hours home in horrible traffic and you’re like “I have to make ‘effing dinner? ‘Eff that too.” That’s where your Tasty Bite comes into play and saves your evening.

Normally I’m more of a make it from scratch kind of gal, but this whole commuting in LA thing has made me look much more fondly upon the packages at the store. Hence, my frozen brown rice from Trader Joe’s I dressed up to make “green” and my willingness to taste test some Indian food from the Tasty Bite people who sent me a whole box of yumness.

I admit I was not familiar with the Tasty Bite, but after reading a bit it seems like they’re all for the farm fresh, no BPA in packaging, carefully marking and creating the gluten-free, treating their employees right, and general goodness. The Madras Lentils that took all of one minute to heat up was certainly delicious, and I have to say I’m really looking forward to checking out the Satay Partay package, as I’m always ready for both a satay and a partay at any given moment. So thanks TBs, for the grub! As well as the ability to eat in five minutes so I could finally catch up on Game of Thrones.

Here’s how you do that quick green rice situation:

How to Feed a Gluten-Free Cold

Yeah, I’ve been sick. And cranky. And very hungry. You might think this is my usual state of being, but only one of those things is true. You see, this week has been a very special combo of head/chest cold, insane cough that has been frightening my co-workers, and a husband out of town on business. Shockingly, the kids have not been helpful. This is why I took it on myself to provide comfort food and drink to the sick person in the house, namely gluten-free me.

Sure I’ve been powering down oranges, and sipping on tea, but the real comfort can only come from meat and potatoes followed by a hot toddy. Or at least that’s what I told myself on day four of this hacking cough, body aches, and a dearth of fun in my life. (Note, this does not apply to having a fever. Sure, I thought I had one until I realized I accidentally left the heater on for two days. A cold? That situation calls for grub.)  At the same time, no one who is battling a nasty cold wants to put the kids to bed and prepare a giant meal. And that, my friends, is where I got efficient. Don’t worry, there is a recipe or two here but the real trick is whipping this all up with as little effort as possible. What is this? Gluten-free prime rib over potato hay stacks with a gluten-free hot toddy.

Gluten-Free Corn Dogs Are a Beautiful Thing

Oh yes. These beauties made an appearance in my home this weekend, and I’m trying to figure out a way to justify making these on a regular basis. Homemade gluten-free corn dogs, you guys. CORN DOGS. Now, I just have to find out where I can buy those rectangular cheese bars so I can fry those up as well. Then I’ll be setting up my own Gluten-Free Hot Dog on a Stick booth in front of my house and leaving my day job behind. Because everyone will want in on this action and will drive all over LA to get them, amiright? Or maybe it’s just me.

Either way, we threw down some of this action this weekend and it was super delicious. I found a recipe on Gluten-Free Baking and then came home to realize I had gluten-free corn bread mix from Bob’s Red Mill, so I upended the recipe and it wound up looking, and tasting, yum to the yum yum. The GFB also offered some tips that were incredibly helpful no matter what recipe you’re using.

1. Dry your dogs then roll them in gluten-free flour to help everything stick correctly.

2. Use a very tall glass to hold the batter and then dip the dogs inside and swirl.

3. One tip the GFB had that did not apply to me, was to use tongs and don’t touch the sticks because they’re hot. My skewers were not hot at all. Either way, don’t test that theory by wrapping your paws around the sticks as soon as they’re out of the deep fat fryer.

4. One tip from me, be sure your deep fat fryer is well-filled so the dogs don’t hit the bottom or sides and stick.

5. Last tip: Enjoy the hell out of these gluten-free corn dogs.

‘Mad Men’ Meal for the Gluten-Free

You know you’re all into the mid-century ad business/out of wedlock sex/Roger’s Thesaurus happening on your basic cable, the AMC. In case you missed it last week, Mad Men came back and those clothes and hairstyles are getting wacky! Yep, times are changing for the crew at Sterling, Cooper, Draper, and Pryce (is it still Pryce? Unclear), and whatever Joan’s last name is. Since Don remains the same, the way we should eat and drink while enjoying watching that guy implode should remain firmly in that era as well.

3 Sneaky—And Gluten-Free—Ways I Tried to Trick My Kid This Week

In a random stroke of my luck, my kid with the celiac will eat anything. She thinks fruit is a treat and swallows snap peas like they’re jelly beans. Then I have this other kid. He only eats white foods. I thought it was a phase, but we’re about a year into it and I’m realizing this is just his thing. I honestly don’t know how he’s grown so tall without a fruit or vegetable touching his lips, ever. It’s true for awhile I could get a Jamba Juice down him so he at least got some carrots and oranges along with the sugar load. And for a brief shining moment he was very into “green french fries” which was broccoli or avocado in disguise. But this kid just doubled down on his veggie hate and now he won’t even consider something fruit or vegetable related. Worse yet, he’s one year smarter and now he KNOWS what a fruit or vegetable is and can’t even be tricked with “nature’s candy.” Damn it!

I have now gone into full-on sneaky chef mode because I would hate for him to get scurvy. What could go wrong?

Oh, just a shit ton.

Gluten-Free Rainbow Cake in the House!

Nope, I can’t believe I did this either. Although when I show you the full-on photo you will see how I jacked it all up and realize that oh, yes, that seems more like April’s style. But let’s just bask in the amazingness of this gluten-free six layer rainbow cake that KICKS ASS. And actually is not that hard to throw together, believe it or not. That is, if you’re a normal person with loads of patience and realistic expectations of the hours in the day and such. But even if you’re like me and expect to whip up this masterpiece in a few hours before company comes over, it can be done. The first thing you do is head to the store and buy up all the gluten-free vanilla cake mix they have to offer.

I LOVE XO Baking Co.’s cake mixes, pancake mixes, buttercream frosting mixes—basically everything they do I am a huge fan of eating in mass quantities. Tragically, they did not have enough left at the gluten-free store so I had to use two different kinds of cake mixes. Which is fine, it’s just not as easy and I’m all about making things as easy as possible for you people (and of course, for myself.) You will need three regular gluten-free cake mixes for this recipe, or use one of your favorite cake recipes and triple that sucker. Now, let’s talk about frosting.

You can also go with three gluten-free frosting mixes from XO Baking Co., or you can triple one vanilla buttercream recipe (see below). Buttercream is so freaking good, and naturally gluten-free, but when you’re talking about this quantity you should really use a KitchenAid stand mixer. Says the girl who burned the motor out of her Cuisinart hand mixer whipping up this butter and powdered sugar magic.

Why yes I have been waiting until the last moment to discuss food coloring. Let’s all just work with the assumption that food coloring is not good for you. Apparently there are some food colorings out there that have gluten as well, though I have not yet stumbled across those vials of poison. McCormick’s food coloring is gluten-free so go forth and dye those vanilla cakes.

Now, let’s talk about how you can avoid this situation -

It looks like I took that cake for a ride around Mulholland in a roadster. Much less exciting, I simply could not wait for one cake to cool before baking the next (I only have two 8″ rounds) and then started slapping that icing on way too soon. Hence, my crazy cake. So here’s what you need—it’s called patience. Always allow your cakes to cool completely. Level the top of each cake with a serrated knife, and add a crumb coating of icing to every layer and the top of the cake and allow the thin layer of icing to dry completely before you do the big final icing situation. Sure this kind of waiting means you’re hanging out with rainbow cake all day, but you get to hang out with rainbow cake all day.

Rather than be intimidated, just know this: You’re making three two-layer cakes and icing them. You simply divide these three cakes six ways, and dye each layer a different color. Sprinkles optional (but highly recommended). It really is that easy. Also note, if you allow the cakes to cool completely before leveling, icing and stacking it will look perfect. But even if you go all slap-dashery like I did, it still tastes magical.

Get your rainbow on.

Some Gluten-Free Easter Brunch + Advice

Happy spring/early day off at work/long weekend/Easter!

Personally I’m taking advantage of the half-day to make a gigantic gluten-free rainbow cake. That’s right, Pinterest has lured me in again. So while you all can wait in anticipation for that wonder of the gluten-free world, in the meantime I’ll tell you how to put together a gluten-free Easter brunch that won’t rely all that heavily on hard-boiled eggs. Because, cholesterol. And lack of variety. And (kind of) yuck.

Also, here is my oft-quoted holiday advice for the gluten-free: Stay home. Unless you bring every food item you want, or are going to an amazing friend or family’s members house who totally gets it, stay home. Whip up these gluten-free dishes, and hide colored eggs all around your house. The only thing that will make you sick is that rotten egg someone discovers three months from now. Happy Easter!

Gluten-Free Basil Chicken and Spaghetti

Nom, nom, nom, nommy, nom, nom. That’s what I say when I get to eat Italian’ish food without fear of winding up on the pot. By Italian’ish, I mean “What people in New Jersey eat,” and it’s awesome. My time on the east coast was luckily gluten-filled, so I got to know the joys of the chicken Parm and friends, even though I had to say “ciao” once I got the old celiac diagnosis.

Every now and then I get a huge hankering for the old, bread-crusted days and whip something up. This something, is a gluten-free creamy basil chicken over pasta. And it freaking rules. RULES. I just grabbed my Trader Joe’s gluten-free corn spaghetti (which has rapidly become our family favorite) and toasted some Udi’s to make bread crumbs and I went to town. To town, I say.

It’s a shame I didn’t have some gluten-free crusty bread to sop up the cream here, but that would require some kind of crazy act of god and gluten, so I enjoyed my carbs in gluten-free spaghetti form. Damn, I miss crusty bread. Anyhoo.

Gluten-Free Bourbon Joe Brownie Cake

Bourbon Joe sounds like your friend, doesn’t he? Someone who meets you at the bar and says, “Take a load off, honey! What can I get ya’?” In this case, however, Bourbon Joe is a name I made up for some freaking delicious gluten-free brownies, that actually seem to be more like gluten-free cake. Probably because I only had a 12″ square pan, but still, oh man, YUM. I don’t care what you call them, they are rad.

Sometimes I feel bad when I make treats that the kids can’t have. Then I totally don’t because those little whippersnappers can eat all the gluten they want at birthday parties and wherever they go to get their cupcake on.  Also, I’m wondering if you cook alcohol, is it still a thing? Like maybe I’m keeping it away from my kids and I don’t even have to. Still, more for gluten-free me!

So yes, this brownie cake has coffee and bourbon on the inside, which makes them un-freaking-believable. I adapted this from an Irish Coffee brownie recipe, and changed it when I realized they meant Irish whiskey, not Bailey’s Irish Cream. Der.  All I had in the whiskey family was bourbon, and it totally worked. ‘Cuz bourbon rules.

Make a pan of these delish bourbon and coffee flavored brownies/cake—I mean, they call it brownies, but it looks like cake, so . . . — and hoard them. You deserve it. Yes, you do!

Gluten-Free Leek & Bacon Quiche: What’s In Your Box?

CSA box, that is. I’ve been super into leeks recently. Don’t look at me that way, it’s totally normal. So when a couple of big, long, green and white beauties showed up in my CSA box this week I thought, hmmm, why not make a quiche? Naturally, my next thought was, why not add bacon? Sure enough there was a recipe online I found that did just that, although in tartlet form. So I mixed it up and pulled out my pre-made frozen gluten-free pie crust from Whole Foods, and went to town. Wow, was it leek-a-rific. Okay, the bacon was not bad either.

If you want to substitute regular milk for the half-and-half, or go full cream, be my guest. It will be richer with the cream, but the bacon and leek deliciousness more than make up for the lack of milk fat. Do what you have to do, then enjoy this gluten-free quiche for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or second breakfast. No judgment. Well, except for my co-workers who have been screeching, “Who’s eating delicious breakfast?!?!?” at my office every day when I eat this up first thing.

Here’s how to inspire that kind of breakfast envy. Also, this is a crazy breakfast. Especially when you eat it every day for a week. Which I did. I said no judgment!